All the Vogon poetry in the world can’t hide an anti-choicer’s real agenda, plus a message to the young and the ignorant
Published by Kyso Kisaen January 13th, 2007 in Bodily Autonomy, Lick My Jackboots of Love, Reproductive Rights, Wankers, What Patriarchy?Concerned Women for America reminds us that there’s less than 10 days before the worlds largest anti-abortion demonstration- plenty of time to get your ass to DC! This year’s theme: “Oh, won’t somebody please think of the stem cells!”
No Exception! No Compromise!”
It’s actually a little more tasteful than last years theme, “Insert Godwin Violation Here.”
I like the last part best: No Exception! No Compromise! It sounds so passionate, so determined, you’d almost believe that if push came to shove, these ladies would actually live by their own life principles. Certainly you’d never find them trying to find the back door and private waiting room of thier local abortion provider. Oh, no. They have principles! Life ones!
I myself would love to live a life so elegant and simple. Especially that no compromise part- my way or the highway each and every time, baby! Fuck you and your circumstances! And fuck all of recorded history! Abortions are icky and I want them swept back under the carpet now! The luxury and privilege implicit in that childish demand is almost delicious, how could you not want a taste of it?
The sorry bit is that if the $75-per-plate Rose Dinner attendees are any indication, most of these women are old enough to remember the No exception, No compromise America that we already had and not only were there exceptions and compromises, but it also kind of sucked. (Although I guess exceptions are only ok if you’re an exceptional gal.)
Which means that there is no excuse for the old biddies to be encouraging the next generation to support policy that will only land them back in the septic wards. Sure, some of them will wind up in your healthy white newborn holding pens, but at least as many will end up taking drastic, unsafe measures that could readily be avoided. I find anyone who is ok with that obvious and inevitable result of a complete ban on abortion to be a bit, well, reprehensible.
Yet, March for Life people host a student essay/poem/poster contest every year, and they might get as many as five entries a catagory, if the dip in quality between the first and second place winners is any indication. And thus, they unleash two crimes upon an innocent society: first, they reward girls for arguing against their own rights, and second, they unleash that horror of horrors that is overwraught and underthought teenage “creativity” upon us.
At the very least, the poetry section has got to go:
The Life Principles are important
They help us to uphold
The rights of each other
The young and the old…When the lives of self and neighbor
Are respected and helped to grow
The country’s protection is high
While pain and killings are lowWhen dealing with a life
No compromise can be made
Each human life is precious
Let the Life Principles never fade
And that was the winner. Don’t make me open up a can of runner-up on your ass:
When will we realize that obtaining peace by standing
for every common good, starting at each conception,
Is as simple as upholding the life principles
for ourselves and our neighbors-no compromise and no excpeption?
The problem in letting the innocent voices of youth have thier say is that there is always the danger that they’ll just come out and say the shit that you’ve spent years white-washing, hacking through your careful euphamisms with the machete of exuberance.
On September 11th, 2001 America went into shock from the death of thousands of Her souls. It was a terrible, black day and because of it we are now at war in a far away country. However, the real war is here were 4000 souls, almost twice the number killed on 9/11, are murdered in mass genocide daily. These Little People, are America’s children, America s hope, and American terrorists are killing them. It is our duty, as civilian soldiers, to shake the American people out of their ignorant slumber and bring the full reality of America’s crisis to their attention…So, for the survival of all that is worthy of free men may every American act upon his duty of upholding the Life Principles for the Common Good of Self, Neighbor, and Country! No Exception! No Compromise!
Hail to Victory! *cough, choke*
And the picture being worth a thousand words? Not working in your favor.
So for this year’s contestants, I have only two questions:
1) Do you know what blood poisoning is, and how you get it or have you ever heard the term “septic ward”?
2) Does the above picture, a baby, Jesus and the man who symbolizes the whitewashed history of America with no woman in sight and language juxtaposing procreation with your national duty skirt a little to close to Nazi for your comfort?
If the answer to either of these questions is “no, why?” then if I were you I’d consider that maybe the March for Life party is playing you for a fool, and then I’d read this and maybe this for starters.
But if I’ve failed to convince you and you insist on being a tool, for the love of all that is holy at least read this before submitting a single word. The last thing you want your many children to find in 20 years when they google mommy’s name is embarassing crap like “As a fifteen-year-old high school student I wonder what I can do to be the voice of over four thousand babies a day who die from abortion? I am definitely not confrontational or argumentative and I cannot vote. I know I have to find a way to influence others to respect all life. One way I can do this is by setting a good example to people around me.” I mean, come on, get over yourself already and stop angsting all over my internets.
A baby begins as a zygote,
and that’s why it really gets my goat,
when these “women” aren’t wives
and “take charge” of their lives
and also, we now let them vote!
…
Just cos it’s your body don’t mean that
we crusaders cannot be shocked at
your right to control
when girls should be tole’
that foetus trumps all, and that’s that.
I’m tempted to enter.
Stuff is important
It helps us, like, ya’ know, have fun
The rights of everyone
To own iPods and BB guns…
When the lives of me and whoever
Are respected and helped to get a Lexus
The country’s protection is max
While pain and killings are—hang on a second, my cell is ringing…
Ok, I’m back. what and who are you? I was NOT talking to you, I would NEVER talk to you…oh, yeah, now I remember…
Abortion. See, if you get pregnant, like, you’re going to hell, but if you have an abortion then you’ll go to hell forever, twice. And your cousins go to hell with you or something, anyway it’s awful…I’ll have to get back to you about it after I meet my lifegroup on Tuesday.
Andrew, I award you points for shortening “because” to “cos,” however, I have to deduct an equal number of points for deviating from the apparently mandatory ABAC rhyme scheme. Also, your rhythm is a bit to consistent.
However, you should totally enter.
Sluts should die of sepsis
And virgins should be purer
And mothers ought to know their place
Ein volk, ein reich, ein Fuhrer.
*laughs madly*
Hoooo, boy, that’s some bad poetry. Here’s more.
“Everybody should be forced to choose life
Cos they all chose to get pregnant, like, consciously,
And in the case of the “mother’s health or life,”
Everybody knows with complete surety
That things like blood and death and dying
And soul-searing pain and being torn apart
Are only bad if the person experiencing them
Can’t feel them, and has a little tiny beating heart.”
Or some such shit.
Oh man. I’ll give $20 to anyone who can work “Everybody loves Raymond” into one of these poems.
I didn’t know nothin’ ’bout women
‘Til I met Patricia Heaton
…Nah. I don’t have it in me.
Clarification: to the FIRST person who uses “Everybody Loves Raymond”
Ms Prism, I want a T-shirt of that.
Freeeaaaky poster. That hideous grey-faced baby looks like something out of ‘The Crypt’. I’d think that our American duty would be to bury it.
How do I love fe-
tus? Let me count the ways.
I love it to the depth and breadth and sound
Of watching “Everybody Loves Raymond”.
For Heaton a Being of ideal Grace.
I love fe-
tus to the level of everyday’s
Misogyny, by sun and candle-light.
I fuck not freely, as men strive for Right;
I fuck not purely, as you turn your Gaze.
I fuck not with a passion put to use
In my old griefs, and with my childhood’s faith.
I fuck not with a love I seemed to lose
At clinic protest, — I love fe-
uts with the breath,
Smiles, tears, of all my life! — that, that I choose,
To abandon and live life as if it were death.
My SINCERE apologies to Elizabeth Barrett Browning.
Well, that does it! $20 t Amanda.
“Meet us feotus
at heaven’s gate
your little wings a-flapping
you may be invisible to the naked eye
but between my ears a gap is.
DEATH TO THE SLUTS!
DEATH TO THE SLUTS!
Their legs uncrossed and scabby
DEATH TO THE SLUTS!
DEATH TO THE SLUTS!
Their mass murder makes god quite crabby
Cry not for those
that from great towers dropped
Nor those babes chargrilled by napalm
Tis the invisible ones
that flow from vaginal gums
of feminist vagina dentata”
I love the fact that washington and jesus are now both granted the power of womb magic.
APRIL is the cruellest month, breeding
Lilacs out of the dead land, mixing
Memory and desire, stirring
Dull roots with spring rain.
Winter kept us warm, covering
Earth in forgetful snow, feeding
A little life with dried tubers.
Summer surprised us, with fresh zygotes, while we were coming over the Starnbergersee
With a shower of rain; we stopped in the colonnade, took a dose of Plan B And went on in sunlight, into the Hofgarten,
And drank coffee, and talked for an hour.
He he.
There once was a fetus called Norton
Who died from illegal abortion
His mother, it’s said
Also ended up dead.
But, of course, she’s not really important.
“Preggo: share what‘s inside.”
To be fair, this is a contest for junior-high and high-school students, so you don’t expect high quality - but Jesus Christ that’s some awful shit!
I love the contest entry form, though: you have to certify your name, age, and student status “on prolife honor“. (W . . . T . . . F . . .!?)
This is just to say
I have firebombed
the clinic
that was in
my hometown
at which
you were probably
hoping
to abort.
Forgive me,
but it’s not terrorism
if you’re
a Christian
I vote for Kevin.
On second thought, Ledasmom wins the limerick portion of this contest.
I don’t care about Evil-ution
Or that one plus one is two.
All I know is Jeebus loves me
And zygotes are people too.
LOL, Kevin, way to ruin one of my favorite poems ever
Oh, and just because I was reminded of my reworking of that poem from a while ago:
This is just to say
I have eaten
the embryos
that were in
the freezer
and which
you were probably
saving
for IVF
Forgive me
they were delicious
so sweet
and so cold.
There once was a fetus named Larry
Who thought that abortion was scary.
Except he did not
(brain, he hadn’t got)
and the ‘borshun party was merry.
You would think that finding the most morbid comment in this thread would be like trying to find the highest point on a flat surface, but there is something to the simple elegance of micheyd’s that is just beautiful.
Kevin, I am going to cackle all night at that.
Hey thanks Kyso! (I think…)
Hey, um, just wanted to point out to those of you who might be interested in Kevin’s excellent medical ethics blog that he misspelled his own link. It should be:
http://www.sufficientscruples.com/
Am I the only one who sees two pairs of penises depicted beneath (respectively, if not respectfully) the faces of Christ and Washington?
Hmmmm.
Holy crap, MFA, I think you’re right!
Just when you thought you couldn’t put another layer of creepy on that picture, MFA finds the phallus, hidden in plain sight.
Jeebus?! I didn’t notice them either, but damn, if they aren’t penises, what the fuck are they?!?!
fingers/knuckles.
Or possibly washington is a double pronged lesbian, with womb power.
MFA,
I saw those penises too but I brushed it off as me being overimaginative. I am glad I am not the only one, thanks!
I thought they were fireworks with little army hats on. I don’t know what I could have been thinking.
And I vote for Kevin, with Amanda a close second.