Thanks to Borat, most Americans think backwards ol’ Kazakhstan just learned about the valuable properties of wheels and fire. Many people may be shocked to learn that Kazakhs actually have the internet, as well as people who can read and write. They’ve even figured out how to put those things together on a site called Kazinform, forming the combustible cocktail of online commentary.
Surprisingly, these folks aren’t simply grateful for the chance to shout into the digital aether. Ohhhh no. The Kazakhs have a few beefs with the US media outlets, and they’re not taking any prisoners:
US foreign policy is being reflected through a blinding array of prisms. Yet America continues to pursue an analogue communications strategy in a digital age.
Oh. My. God. They did _not_ just call us “analogue,” did they? They did? And they think _they’re_ digital? How the hell do foreigners even know what “analogue” means? Shouldn’t that just be the same thing as “everything” to them? Shit, I know we’ve got more HDTVs than they do — I can’t believe they’d bring that kind of noise.
I think it’s time for an old-fashioned smack-off on the subject of media. I’ll even let the Kazakhs take the first shot.
Just look at the satellite landscape. Here in the Middle East, we can watch more than 300 channels, from Hezbollah’s Al-Manar (labeled a terrorist organization by the US.) to Fox News (which, to borrow Fox’s favorite line, “some people say” is the moral equivalent).
*gasp* How dare you.
Anchors like Neil Cavuto are a national treasure. He once got caught picking his nose and eating it on the air, but so what? …Okay, maybe he didn’t, but that’s just as true as the creative insights he offers every day, and look how exciting they are! We win on entertainment.
And what is this bragging on 300 hundred channels crap? I’m sorry, but someone needs to inform Kazakhstan it isn’t 1996 anymore. My cable box has 1721 channels on it, so I’m counting almost 6 times the number of late-night boob movies, Chili’s ads, and Lifetime Movies they have. I bet they don’t have Chili’s in Kazakhstan, either, so we win on the fried cheese issue, too. 3-0, USA.
Turkey, India, Singapore; wherever you look overseas, all-news satellite channels are de rigueur. Trilingual France 24 launches in a few weeks to bring “French values” to global coverage.
I don’t know what Kazinform’s getting at here, but “French values” are hardly anything to get excited about, unless you like B.O. and surrendering.
The perspective of these channels is different. So is the spin. The American election was a big story here in the Middle East, but cheering Democrats shared the screen with gut-wrenching images of blood-drenched Palestinian children torn to shreds by Israel tank shells as they lay asleep in their beds.
Man, it’s all liberals all the time over there. If it isn’t Nancy Pelosi running around, it’s a bunch of non-white children dying. Where’s the fairness? Where’s the balance? I’ll tell you where: America. We talk about everything from Britney and K-Fed to how stupid it is that Iraqis don’t love occupational democracy. Thus, we win on objectiveness, too.
Journalistic bias? Like terrorism, it’s in the eye of the beholder.
Whoa now. That kind of talk gets foreign people sent to Gitmo. Guess that means scaring journalists straight goes our way, too. I count 5-0, USA. Better hurry up, Kazakhstan…
American officials can no longer say one thing and do another. TV footage of babies killed with American ordnance has far more influence on perceptions of policy than all the feel-good speeches aimed at the heartland. Ditto images like the one of the president in front of a huge cross at a gathering of evangelical groups. Who says it’s not a Christian war on Islam?
They sure love to talk about dead babies over there, huh? Well, at least they have the sack to admit this is a Holy War. Americans do like to pretend we’re secular, which is a bit of a bee in our bonnet. Score one for the Borats.
You better capitalize on that momentum and take your final shot, Kazinform:
As Turkish PM Recep Tayyip Erodgan told a group of Western broadcasters earlier this month, “To have a lack of communication between cultures at a time of such technological development is very sad and contradictory.” The talk was carried live on satellite TV. The question is, was anyone in Washington watching?
HELL no. The Cowboy game was on. And clearly the Kazakhs don’t get it. The media outlets aren’t there to talk truth and understanding. They’re part of the war, too. If we win the airwaves, then the US will win more wars. Just look at how duped and asleep most of us are after a few decades of being inundated by American TV. Once we spread that to the world, its fruits will be ours for the plucking. So chalk up another point to America for better using the media as a weapon. That’s 6-1, and I do believe we have ourselves a champion!
America. Bending the news to its will since… well… a long time.