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Chuck Norris is the gift that keeps on giving this holiday season. And here I figured he’d never achieve the dizzying heights of cluelessness that his debut achieved. But here he is, ready to unleash some of that patented kung-fu cowboy action in the War on Christmas, which as you’ll recall has already been won.

Since like his doll name counterpart, we’ll never be completely rid of Chucky, we might as well make the best of it. I know, I know, but complaining won’t change anything. To make it easier on all of us, I hypothosize that Chuck’s columns make for an excellent text-based drinking game. You have until the end of the thread to help me flesh out the rules.

1. Take a shot every time Chuck mentions that he used to be a professional martial artist.

We had so little money that I didn’t have real toys to play with, so I used clothespins and an active imagination.

The clothespins served as toy soldiers or cowboys. I made the big clothespins the bad guys and the little ones the good guys. Of course the larger they were, the harder they fell! (Imagery that would later serve my Martial Arts career.)

Make it two shots if the term “martial arts” is used in conjunction with the term “six time world champion.”

2. Take a shot every time Chuck mentions that he used to be an actor.

3. Take a shot for every mention of humble beginings.

I can still remember her coming home exhausted from her job at the laundry and saying that we were blessed. We didn’t have much, but what we did have, we sure appreciated. And what we had most was each other, and the Lord.

Take three shots if tear-inducing references to childhood hardship and the simple pleasures of life is followed immediately by commercial plug:

Most of all, I still believe what mom taught me: the heart of Christmas is found in a stable not in a store.

No business can take away that fact from any of us.

(One of the best ways you and your family can be refreshed about the true meaning of Christmas this season is by seeing the new family-friendly movie, ”The Nativity Story,” opening in 3,000 theaters nationwide this Friday, Dec. 1. I recommend it highly!)

Four shots if he ever plugs anything that he is in.

4. One shot for every cliche:

Some might call me old-fashioned, but I still believe in a white Christmas, chestnuts roasting on an open fire, and family and friends giving thanks to God.

See if you can come up with any more. But I think that my rules alone can make a single Chuck Norris WND column an alcohol poisoning related trip to the emergency room. So in the interest of keeping the fatalities to a minimum:

5. Shots must be consumed while your friend who can make the funny voices recites the offending lines while dangling this picture in front of his face:

Friends, we all must model and teach children that the heart of Christmas isn’t found under a tree. It’s discovered in our hearts. Now who wants to oil my chest?

Any booze that is splashed out of the cup during the giggling fit is gone forever and needs not be replenished before the shot is consumed.

Post title from ChuckNorrisFacts.com