FOX News sounds the whorebell
Published by punkass marc November 28th, 2006 in Media hackery, SexWhat with Iraq collapsing and the Republicans suicide-bombing their future, FOX News has turned to covering what really counts: the Britney Spears party watch.
Both the TV network and its website are ogling the newly single Ms. Spears’ forays into hardcore clubbing with America’s favorite professional lush, Paris Hilton:
Spears and Hilton were snapped on their third night out in a row in Los Angeles, drinking and dancing with a bunch of sex-crazed guys — and then swapping one sexy stocking with each other.
You wouldn’t think moral, flag-humping chickenhawks like the fine folks from FOX would stoop to discussing such drivel, but now that the country’s fallen into the hands of sex-crazed hedonists like Nancy “Paris has me on speed-dial, too!” Pelosi and her liberal hooligans, even our finest role models can’t help but go woozy from that pleasure roofie the voters surreptitiously placed in our national drink.
Just look at the sexy sentence quoted above. Even FOX couldn’t help but mention ’sex’ in it twice, which is tres sexique, and it effortlessly conjures the alluring mental image of Britney grinding that pert bottom against countless lusty crotches. The pournalism fantasy wouldn’t be complete without lesbian overtones, though. Fortunately, the stocking swap detail places that cherry on top.
And with it, all systems are go. Conservatives may now commence masturbation, followed by the climax, the traditional post-coital heaping of shame and self-hate upon oneself, and, finally, the lashing out at others who dare enjoy the simple pleasures but somehow manage to skip that shame/self-hate step.
Like Britney.
I also find it interesting FOX always asks women to cover their trashiest subject matter. If you think about it, though, these assignments align quite well with the network’s goals. One, it keeps the ladies from having to talk substantively about complicated man-subjects like war and Terry Schiavo. Two, it helps News Corp dodge accusations like “my, aren’t you a gaggle of sexist assholes?” Three, it saves all those dudes with hard-ons from having to think with their heads after viewing this snapshot:
Just think what it’s like for the FOX newshounds who’re forced to stare down that picture: God, that makes me want to ejaculate. How dare she act like she can just flaunt those tits! Isn’t she a mom? Shouldn’t she be at home with babies hanging off those things? I know what I’d do with ‘em. Dammit, no woman should be allowed to dress like that unless she’s gonna put out. And Britney wouldn’t fuck me. God, that sucks. That bitch has some nerve showing me titties I can’t have. And those legs. Mmm. And grinding against those douchebags in some club. Who the hell does she think she is? Maybe if I just rub my tip a little it’ll go away. Damn, she looks sexy. And happy. Fucking bitch.
Here’s hoping that the women working for FOX — like the author of this piece, Heather Gilmore — write their softcore erotica just to mess with them.
And Britney wouldn’t fuck me.
I wonder if they were encouraged by her marrying a giant unwashed asshole. Which means they must really be pissed now.
PunkAssBloggers, you can do better than this. Sure, I agree that Fox News gorges itself on the kind of hypocrisy that lets you wag your finger at Britney while ogling her. That’s also true of a hundred other Fox products, such as The O.C..
But in order to believe this new wrinkle is worth blogging about, you have to believe that Britney stands for something besides a massively successful marketing venture putting on a green dress and going out dancing. I really enjoyed your post on the Federline breakup, but I’m not going to fight for Brit’s right to party.
Joseph, can you tell me the difference between a vapid, oversexed prime-time drama and a vapid, oversexed news production?
I’ll give you a hint: it lies in the distinction between what is supposed to be information and what is supposed to be entertainment.
I hate Fox News, but I like the movies coming out of Fox Searchlight Productions. I can do this because I know the two divisions, while both enriching that bastard Rupert, are actually two seperate entities, with two separate missions and should be held to two separate standards.
Joseph,
While I admit to having some lightweight fun here, I also think there are substantive reasons to tease FOX about this “reporting.” There’s real mysogyny in their coverage and in the way they use women to “cover” these things (did you see the video clip in the link?).
Kyso is exactly right that because this is a news organization (in theory), we have every reason to expect more than them slobbering over two women “swapping one sexy stocking with each other.”
Since you read the break-up post, you also know that Britney is far more than an entertainment product. She is the living embodiment of the American zeitgest. So we should totally care about _any_ development in her life.
She is the living embodiment of the American zeitgeist. So we should totally care about _any_ development in her life.
I don’t like the implications of her hanging around and getting wasted with the useless scion of a famous wealthy family.
I just had a thought… (I know, doesn’t happen very often…)
What if Paris, Britney, and the Bush Party Girls (Jenna/NotJenna) hooked up? Could the resulting vacuum trigger the destruction of Earth?…
There may even be a part for Brangelina, maybe as a catalyst or something…
Mark, I think it’s reasonable to show the way that Fox uses women reporters here.
But Kyso, obviously I can’t tell the difference between these various forms of media. If I could, I’d be something more useful than a graduate student. While I do see that a difference in standards exists between journalism and entertainment, the way that women are portrayed by a station like Fox is based on beliefs about female sexuality that are potentially consistent whether it’s a storyline being written or a piece of news being interpreted. The gap between Fox Searchlight and Fox is greater than the gap between different programming on the network.
I’m not going to argue against what you just said, because you have a good point. But it is far more worthwhile to call this shit out when it masquarades as news than when it put out for entertainment value only. The OC is produced and a thousand other equally vapid, sexist crap shows aren’t, but it’s pretty much gaurenteed that what was in that slot was going to be Patriarchy Approved.
News time is a different story. To spend even 30 seconds on Brittney and Nicole is to not spend that thirty seconds talking about actual news. Even 30 seconds spent mocking Nancy Pelosi for being well-dressed or a bitch or whatever would be more newsworthy than this - at least they’d be giving someone important that face time.
Fox isn’t perfect..it is a little too Neo-Con and not Paleoconservative…but the hyporcrisy of other networks(like BET) that rant about “racism” and then see nothing wrong with affirmative action is too much…the same with all the rest of the hopelessly “Politically correct” leftwing channels that we have to watch day after day claiming to be “fair and balanced”…Fox comes at least a little closer to that line….
Fox comes at least a little closer to that line….
Damn, I find myself incapable of insulting someone who’s blind, deaf, and incredibly stupid, so I’ll just say, Robert, I seriously hope you find a charity that can help you. How you figure out how to work a keyboard is, of course, beyond me, but maybe you can direct some of your seemingly native ingenuity to actually learn something.