Like it or not, Election Tuesday will probably be a bit of an emotional roller coaster. Any liberal worth his or her weight in sensible governance will be anxiously awaiting the returns, and it’ll be increasingly difficult to keep your fears/hopes/quirks in check throughout the day.
If you’re anything like me, I expect your emotional state will run the gamut. That gamut might look something like this:
Stage 1: Confidence
“Today’s the day we’re gonna take back the Congress, baby. Both houses are going Democrat. I can feel it.”
Stage 2: Bragging
“Hey, Bruce! Is that Limbaugh blaring from your office or are you hosting a whiny-ass loserbaby convention in there? Your peeps is goin’ dowwwwn today, dude!”
Stage 3: Anticipation
“Just 11 more hours till we know the results! After we pull this off, I’m gonna get tore up.”
Stage 4: Cautious Optimism
“Okay, no reason to build myself up too much. Things are looking good — very good — but I shouldn’t count my chickens before they hatch.
God, I hate cliches.”
Stage 5: Luddism
“The only thing that could screw this up would be if Diebold pulls some crazy fix. But they can’t do that again, can they? I guess there those studies showing how easy it is to tamper with the machines. Shit. Well, even if they steal some seats via the voting machines, we should be fine, assuming everyone who’s angry turns out today.”
Stage 6: Light Paranoia
“God, everyone’s going to assume it’ll be Dems all the way, so they won’t waste their own time to go and actually vote, will they? Plus, Diebold’s gonna pull their crap in certain places, and polling locations that are heavily Democratic are going to come up with some excuse to keep people waiting for 4-8 hours to vote, aren’t they? Damn it.”
Stage 7: Realism
“Okay, okay, so it’s not like they’re going to make this easy on us, but so many Democrats are strongly favored that we should at least take the House. Even if they fuck us over for the Senate, we should be fine. And I mean, even if everything is on the up and up, it’d be hard to take the Senate. But the House is ours, and I seriously doubt they can stop us.”
Stage 8: Superstition
“I wonder what I was doing the last time I cared about an election this much. Going to bed thinking Al Gore was my next president, probably. What was I doing the last time I cared this much about an election we won? God, 1996. Long time ago. Then again, 1996 doesn’t count because we knew Clinton had it in the bag and the e-voting trickery hadn’t been invented yet. I guess that means it was 1992. I have no idea what I was doing in 1992. Probably listening to Living Colour in my room and ignoring my homework.
Hmm. Where can I get my hands on some Living Colour? I wonder if I’ll get fired for downloading Soulseek. Ah, screw it, this is too important to risk it.
[Downloads, installs, seeks, finds, saves]
‘Cult of Per-son-allll-it-y… I know your anger, I know your dreams…’”
Stage 8: Shame
“What the heck am I doing? I’m a rational person of science. It’s not like anything I do, besides voting, will have any impact on the outcome today. No reason to be superstitious.”
Stage 9: Rationalization
“Still, it’s, like, totally funny that I’m acting all superstitious all of a sudden. It’s kind of a good story, actually. I should keep it up, just as a joke. Can’t hurt.”
Stage 10: Fear
“It will suck so bad if somehow we don’t pull this off. Lord only knows what kind of shenanigans they’ll pull once the Rethugs think they have yet another mandate.”
Stage 11: Doom-saying
“If we can’t win this one, we might never win an election again.”
Stage 12: Anger
“It’s so ridiculous that there’s even any doubt about this fucking election. We have war criminals running the country and there’s still some expectation that their party will retain power. How stupid is half of the voting American population that they would even think of voting for these monsters? Disgusting.”
Stage 13: Escape Plans
“If we can’t make headway today, then maybe it’s time to give up this country for dead. I hear Canada’s getting warmer.”
Stage 14: Anxiety
“Why is there all this hair all over my keyboard? Am I stressing that much? God, my palms are sweaty.”
Stage 15: Buddhism
“Hey, life is about suffering. And desire is the cause of that suffering. I just need to let it go. This will all play out the same way regardless of my desires, so I just need to release them and be cool. What will be, will be.”
Stage 16: Renewed Atheism
“Fuck. Abnormally calm people piss me off. If there were a God, THIS ELECTION WOULDN’T BE IN DOUBT.”
Stage 17: The Long View
“The other thing to remember is that, even if we do make inroads today, we’re a long way from seeing any real change. Bush will still be in power, and the Democrats have been disempowered for so long, it’s going to take them a while to even remember what to do with authority. We just need to take this one step at a time, and winning or losing today is only one small part of the big picture.”
Stage 18: Nice Guy Syndrome
“It sucks being the good guys. This is why we’re always threatening to finish last. If America had a lick of sense, she’d know we were meant to be together.”
Stage 19: Tabula Rasa
“I’m spinning in emotional circles here. I just need to clear my mind. Let the information come to me. No point in reacting until we know something.”
Stage 20: Renewed Hope
“Exit polls looking good… I like what I’m hearing…”
Stage 21: ?
[To be determined]
Trepidation. Off I go.
PS: Is my state really this stupid, or does this not mean what I think it means?
(Empahsis mine)
Vote no on it, Kyso. Legalized gambling isn’t a bad thing for states necessarily, but when it’s good it’s for two reasons: 1) Good jobs. Casinos undoubtably create good jobs that often pay much better than anything else in the area that the people in the labor pool could get. 2) Tax revenue for the state.
That amendment looks for the world like it’s legalizing gambling without actually getting either benefit to it. Hold out for real casinos and increased revenue.
I’m totally against “limited gambling will make our state great” initiatives anyway because a) I’ve seen Wierton, WVa and b) I’ve read Dan Savage’s book. If people are going to bother to travel to gamble, they’ll go somewhere cool, which is not defined as “a place that lets a few slots and some video poker in sheisty businesses.” There are more examples of places where gambling hurt the locals than helped them, especially when they try to start small.
I had an awesome post about voting this morning, and fucking wordpress ate it. I’ll try to rewrite later.
[...] I’m as excited as everyone else about the possibility of a big win tomorrow. But don’t forget something very, very important—the Democrats are definitely going to win, and the Republicans are already laying the ground work to steal the election. (Via.) [...]
[...] The 21 stages of Election Day at PunkAssBlog.com The 21 stages of Election Day (tags: lolz Politics History) [...]
That would be, “AND the Senate, suckers!”
It’s so nice to know that other people such as yourself obsess about the election this way. I mean other than myself.