Comments on: Happy 30th! You’re finally ready to learn about the birds and the bees. http://punkassblog.com/2006/10/31/happy-30th-youre-finally-ready-to-learn-about-the-birds-and-the-bees/ Fri, 21 Nov 2008 12:09:43 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.6.3 By: MikeEss http://punkassblog.com/2006/10/31/happy-30th-youre-finally-ready-to-learn-about-the-birds-and-the-bees/#comment-12502 MikeEss Thu, 02 Nov 2006 03:42:48 +0000 http://punkassblog.com/2006/10/31/happy-30th-youre-finally-ready-to-learn-about-the-birds-and-the-bees/#comment-12502 Kyso, I figured the ring was supposed to stop people from using your hoo-ha. Seeing it on a finger or something is too easy to ignore, but if it physically stops the unholy violation - there's security! Besides, I heard that most chastity belts use a really cheap lock that opens with a common key (like those Diebold voting machines). What kind of security would that be?... Won't someone think of the hoo-ha's?... Kyso, I figured the ring was supposed to stop people from using your hoo-ha. Seeing it on a finger or something is too easy to ignore, but if it physically stops the unholy violation - there’s security!

Besides, I heard that most chastity belts use a really cheap lock that opens with a common key (like those Diebold voting machines). What kind of security would that be?…

Won’t someone think of the hoo-ha’s?…

]]> By: Kyso Kisaen http://punkassblog.com/2006/10/31/happy-30th-youre-finally-ready-to-learn-about-the-birds-and-the-bees/#comment-12500 Kyso Kisaen Thu, 02 Nov 2006 03:28:20 +0000 http://punkassblog.com/2006/10/31/happy-30th-youre-finally-ready-to-learn-about-the-birds-and-the-bees/#comment-12500 Mike, please think harder. How is a person supposed to see a ring that is placed upon your sacred hoo-ha when no one is supposed to be looking there? Since your espoused will have the key to your ornately decorated chastity belt, this is a non-issue. You wear the ring on your finger, on a chain around your neck, or if people aren't mentioning it enough, on your nose. KS, I think it would be best if your children were raised by a less hell-bound couple while you and your tragically misguided husband wait for the 30-39 re-education program to be released. It should be a convienent online course, so keep your operating system up to date. Should you complete the program satisfactorily, you will be allowed to attend the same church as your children that you may listen to them sing in the choir. Praise the Lord. Shit, were we supposed to keep this thing secular for a few more years? Mike, please think harder. How is a person supposed to see a ring that is placed upon your sacred hoo-ha when no one is supposed to be looking there? Since your espoused will have the key to your ornately decorated chastity belt, this is a non-issue. You wear the ring on your finger, on a chain around your neck, or if people aren’t mentioning it enough, on your nose.

KS, I think it would be best if your children were raised by a less hell-bound couple while you and your tragically misguided husband wait for the 30-39 re-education program to be released. It should be a convienent online course, so keep your operating system up to date. Should you complete the program satisfactorily, you will be allowed to attend the same church as your children that you may listen to them sing in the choir. Praise the Lord.

Shit, were we supposed to keep this thing secular for a few more years?

]]> By: ks http://punkassblog.com/2006/10/31/happy-30th-youre-finally-ready-to-learn-about-the-birds-and-the-bees/#comment-12497 ks Thu, 02 Nov 2006 02:18:50 +0000 http://punkassblog.com/2006/10/31/happy-30th-youre-finally-ready-to-learn-about-the-birds-and-the-bees/#comment-12497 So I turned 30 in September, does that mean I can now start giving it to the husband with a clear conscience? Because all the fucking these last 8 years has really been weighing me down. And also, do the two offspring I've produced for Satan's glorious army count against me, or is it just the fact that my heathen self and nominally Hindu husband are raising them without religion that is causing the problem and not the army of Satan? A swift reply would be greatly appreciated as I don't want to upset our great and glorious government. So I turned 30 in September, does that mean I can now start giving it to the husband with a clear conscience? Because all the fucking these last 8 years has really been weighing me down. And also, do the two offspring I’ve produced for Satan’s glorious army count against me, or is it just the fact that my heathen self and nominally Hindu husband are raising them without religion that is causing the problem and not the army of Satan? A swift reply would be greatly appreciated as I don’t want to upset our great and glorious government.

]]> By: MikeEss http://punkassblog.com/2006/10/31/happy-30th-youre-finally-ready-to-learn-about-the-birds-and-the-bees/#comment-12492 MikeEss Thu, 02 Nov 2006 00:15:15 +0000 http://punkassblog.com/2006/10/31/happy-30th-youre-finally-ready-to-learn-about-the-birds-and-the-bees/#comment-12492 <i><b>Kyso Kisaen</b> - "To initiate revirginization, please accept Jesus into your heart and purchase one of the following purity rings to wear to remind fornicators about how happy and superior you are."</i> Where on your hoo-ha does the purity ring go? I never really understood that... Kyso Kisaen - “To initiate revirginization, please accept Jesus into your heart and purchase one of the following purity rings to wear to remind fornicators about how happy and superior you are.”

Where on your hoo-ha does the purity ring go? I never really understood that…

]]> By: Kyso Kisaen http://punkassblog.com/2006/10/31/happy-30th-youre-finally-ready-to-learn-about-the-birds-and-the-bees/#comment-12490 Kyso Kisaen Wed, 01 Nov 2006 23:52:42 +0000 http://punkassblog.com/2006/10/31/happy-30th-youre-finally-ready-to-learn-about-the-birds-and-the-bees/#comment-12490 Raging Red -- Thank you for seeing the error of your sinful ways. To initiate revirginization, please accept Jesus into your heart and purchase one of the following <a href=:http://www.gifts.com/products/Christianbook-com/True-Love-Waits-3-Stacking-Sterling-Silver-Rings-Size-7?p=1712:04268:314&sid=vsmopd:true love waits rings:P" rel="nofollow">purity rings</a> to wear to remind fornicators about how happy and superior you are. Also, please do not neglect to get married on the eve of you thirtieth birthday in order to keep any sex you may have in the future not-sinful. Raging Red –

Thank you for seeing the error of your sinful ways. To initiate revirginization, please accept Jesus into your heart and purchase one of the following purity rings to wear to remind fornicators about how happy and superior you are.

Also, please do not neglect to get married on the eve of you thirtieth birthday in order to keep any sex you may have in the future not-sinful.

]]> By: raging red http://punkassblog.com/2006/10/31/happy-30th-youre-finally-ready-to-learn-about-the-birds-and-the-bees/#comment-12483 raging red Wed, 01 Nov 2006 21:13:20 +0000 http://punkassblog.com/2006/10/31/happy-30th-youre-finally-ready-to-learn-about-the-birds-and-the-bees/#comment-12483 Dear Mr. Faletti, I can't thank you enough for this valuable abstinence-only educational information. And you've posted this just in the nick of time. See, I'm turning 30 in exactly two weeks. Unfortunately, I have already engaged in the foul activities that you describe. I've tried too many combinations of protrusions and orifices to list here. I'm not sure exactly how many partners I've had -- I stopped keeping track once I hit double digits. I used to think that as an adult citizen of the United States, the government shouldn't care what kind of sex I have and with whom I'm having it, so long as nobody's getting hurt. But that was five minutes ago. Your post has shown me the error of my ways. So I have just one question for you -- do you know where I can get a revirginization procedure done before November 15th? I'd like to start my 30's off right. Sincerely, raging red Dear Mr. Faletti,

I can’t thank you enough for this valuable abstinence-only educational information. And you’ve posted this just in the nick of time. See, I’m turning 30 in exactly two weeks. Unfortunately, I have already engaged in the foul activities that you describe. I’ve tried too many combinations of protrusions and orifices to list here. I’m not sure exactly how many partners I’ve had — I stopped keeping track once I hit double digits.

I used to think that as an adult citizen of the United States, the government shouldn’t care what kind of sex I have and with whom I’m having it, so long as nobody’s getting hurt. But that was five minutes ago. Your post has shown me the error of my ways.

So I have just one question for you — do you know where I can get a revirginization procedure done before November 15th? I’d like to start my 30’s off right.

Sincerely,

raging red

]]> By: Kyso Kisaen http://punkassblog.com/2006/10/31/happy-30th-youre-finally-ready-to-learn-about-the-birds-and-the-bees/#comment-12460 Kyso Kisaen Wed, 01 Nov 2006 14:56:31 +0000 http://punkassblog.com/2006/10/31/happy-30th-youre-finally-ready-to-learn-about-the-birds-and-the-bees/#comment-12460 <i>Like smoking dope and nipple rings, sex is for the kids who want to fit in by “rebelling.” Let the poseur slacker types play at conformity while you stick it to the man by sticking nobody with nothing.</i> Is there some sort of mark I can put on my body to display how abstinently non-conformist I am? My hand has looked so empty ever since I washed those two X's off of it. Like smoking dope and nipple rings, sex is for the kids who want to fit in by “rebelling.” Let the poseur slacker types play at conformity while you stick it to the man by sticking nobody with nothing.

Is there some sort of mark I can put on my body to display how abstinently non-conformist I am? My hand has looked so empty ever since I washed those two X’s off of it.

]]> By: McBoing http://punkassblog.com/2006/10/31/happy-30th-youre-finally-ready-to-learn-about-the-birds-and-the-bees/#comment-12457 McBoing Wed, 01 Nov 2006 13:52:26 +0000 http://punkassblog.com/2006/10/31/happy-30th-youre-finally-ready-to-learn-about-the-birds-and-the-bees/#comment-12457 God, I can't <em>wait</em> to turn 30. God, I can’t wait to turn 30.

]]> By: JackGoff http://punkassblog.com/2006/10/31/happy-30th-youre-finally-ready-to-learn-about-the-birds-and-the-bees/#comment-12411 JackGoff Wed, 01 Nov 2006 01:44:51 +0000 http://punkassblog.com/2006/10/31/happy-30th-youre-finally-ready-to-learn-about-the-birds-and-the-bees/#comment-12411 <i>you will be coated in various sticky substances, some of which may smell like Chesapeake Bay.</i> BAH HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Sticky fluids destroy society! you will be coated in various sticky substances, some of which may smell like Chesapeake Bay.

BAH HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Sticky fluids destroy society!

]]> By: Amanda Marcotte http://punkassblog.com/2006/10/31/happy-30th-youre-finally-ready-to-learn-about-the-birds-and-the-bees/#comment-12405 Amanda Marcotte Wed, 01 Nov 2006 00:33:50 +0000 http://punkassblog.com/2006/10/31/happy-30th-youre-finally-ready-to-learn-about-the-birds-and-the-bees/#comment-12405 <i>Sure, my balls imploded back when I was 27, but that just ensures I won’t cause any unwanted pregnancies.</i> <a href="http://www.neuticles.com/">Thank god for Neuticles!</a> <img src="http://www.heightsvet.com/images/neuticles.jpg" alt="" /> Now in Abstinence-Only Human Size®. Sure, my balls imploded back when I was 27, but that just ensures I won’t cause any unwanted pregnancies.

Thank god for Neuticles!

Now in Abstinence-Only Human Size®.

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