PunkAssBlog.com

I suppose no one was suprised to find out about the Hart InterCivic e-voting snafus in Virginia. Usually we have to wait until after the election was fixed to determine how it was fixed, but in this case, we’ve been given an awesome sneak peek into the 2006 version of the Republican e-voting advantage.

U.S. Senate candidate James Webb’s last name has been cut off on part of the electronic ballot used by voters in Alexandria, Falls Church and Charlottesville because of a computer glitch that also affects other candidates with long names, city officials said yesterday.

Yes. Other candidates who also have long names. Long like ‘James Webb.’ Whew. Hold on a sec. I need a swig of Gatorade after pounding out all the characters in ‘James Webb.’ Shit, I did it again. If I’m not careful ‘J-a-m-e-s W-e-b-b’ will soon spell ‘c-a-r-p-a-l t-u-n-n-e-l.’ I hope you guys are still reading after having to pour through all the text involved in reading ‘James Webb’ a few times.

Seriously, how the hell is James Webb too long?

Thus, Democratic candidate Webb will appear with his first name and nickname only — or “James H. ‘Jim’ ” — on summary pages in Alexandria, Falls Church and Charlottesville, the only jurisdictions in Virginia that use balloting machines manufactured by Hart InterCivic of Austin.

Ohhhh, it was that dastardly “jim” showing up in the middle. Because ‘James H. “Jim” Webb’ practically blocks out the sun with its extreme length.

Every candidate on Alexandria’s summary page has been affected in some way by the glitch. Even if candidates’ full names appear, as is the case with Webb’s Republican opponent, incumbent Sen. George F. Allen, their party affiliations have been cut off.

[affixing my tinfoil hat]

So let me see, on the summary page of one’s ballot we will have one candidate whose name will be shorted to ‘James H. “Jim”‘and another who just happens to lose the R” next to his name that ties him to the extremely unpopular incumbent party known as the Republicans. Because that’s totally random.

Jean Jensen, secretary of the Virginia State Board of Elections, who said yesterday she only recently became aware of the problem, pledged to have it fixed by the 2007 statewide elections.

“You better believe it,” Jensen said. “If I have to personally get on a plane and bring Hart InterCivic people here myself, it’ll be corrected.”

Oh WOW. Jean Jensen’s willing to go to the kinds of extreme measures that cause fear in the hearts of evildoers everywhere. She’s actually willing to get representatives from the company that fucked up to come and fix the problem they created. My GOD that’s the take-no-prisoners attitude we need in politics.

Because of her efforts, by 2007, we can expect representatives from the company responsible for the integrity of the voting process to have fixed their font. We’ve come a long way, baby.

Election officials in Alexandria said they have been vexed by the problem since they purchased the voting machines in 2003.

2003. Since 2003. I… I just can’t go on. My head exploded all over the monitor and it’s going to take some time to clean this up.