The Porn Fairy Giveth, The Porn Fairy Taketh Away
Published by McBoing October 6th, 2006 in Pr0n, Dudes, Cock!, another fucking sex postThank you for calling Big Media Provider Co. My name is, McBoing; how can I help you today?
“I got up this morning and went to order Big Booby Bitches 3, but I got something else instead. I was going to watch that but then it cut off and said it was a subscription service.”
Sir, I show no evidence that any movies were ordered this morning.
“I want credit on my account or big booby bitches.”
I notice that you’ve received quite a bit of credit for adult movies that haven’t showed up on your television. Perhaps we should schedule for someone to come out to your home and take a look at your services.
“Look, if I don’t get off before I go to work I’ll go insane. Credit or big booby bitches.”
I put The Masturbator on hold and call my supervisor over. She takes a look at his credit history and says no way. She tells me to schedule a home visit so we can look at his subscription services and fix anything he claims is wrong.
Sir, I can actually have somebody out to your home within the hour. Will you be home?
“Just make sure you call first.”
“Just make sure you call first.”
Not much danger of us doing otherwise, sir. Believe me.
No shit. I’m not sending a tech out to find the guy cock in hand.
We actually have quite a call volume for people who HAVE to get off before second shift.
By the way, this conversation happened verbatim. I wrote it down as it happened.
McBoing, are you apologizing for the Porn Fairy?! Dude is obviously a misandrist! 8^D
It is not for us to question the ways of the porn fairy. It is only for us to thank her for those times when she blesses us, and to remember that she never closes a door without opening a window.
and a good thing too, all things considered…
So is there really a porn called Big Booby Bitches 3? I’m afraid to google it.
I couldn’t imagine calling another human being and demanding a product with that name, but then again I have trouble ordering stupidly named sandwiches at themed restaurants. Some things are just to silly to expect from a person.
This is gonna sound bad, but what part of the country is this where you can call your cable company and not be embarassed to say that?
And yet people all over the country have no problem pulling off the interstate to order Moon Over My Hammy. This is a fucked up world we live in.
Is that a stupidly named sandwich or a porn title?
I actually remember ordering that stupid meal, and I was so embarassed to say the idiotic name that I pointed to the item on the menu so I could retain a small degree of dignity (despite the fact I was eating at Denny’s…agh!)..
Is that a stupidly named sandwich or a porn title?
Or, more likely, both?
I was so embarassed to say the idiotic name that I pointed to the item on the menu so I could retain a small degree of dignity
I’m always afraid to do that, in case they yell out the name anyway as they write it down. Not that I’d feel any real desire to order it if it had a more dignified name.
Worse i expect to be a waiter there at such a place, where no doubt they would be of the enforced perky PERKY school.
“Hi!!! My name is Stacy and I’m DELIGHTED to be your waitress this evening! Can I get you fine folks a cocktail? Screaming Orgasm for you, sir? Great! Slippery Nipple for you, ma’am! Love it! Okay! Back before you know it!…”
yeah, come to think of it…
Dear God. You were called by the American Masturbator.
Screaming Orgasm for you, sir? Great! Slippery Nipple for you, ma’am!
Somehow I’ve managed never to run across one of these on the menu of an interstate Denny’s. Perhaps I’m traveling on the wrong highways.
TGIF, more, i was thinking. Chili’s, Ruby Tuesday, one of those.
I hated working at Ruby Tuesdays. My fake perky was very unconvincing and I finally lost my ability to give a fuck when I served someone a giant motherfucking chocolate cake with ice cream and whipped topping and god alone knows what else crammed into a 32 oz fucking fish tank (we also served an embarassingly large margarita in this glass, with gummy fish swimming inside of it to add a touch of whimsy to your depressing problem) and the guy looked at it and said “I guess things are smaller up North.”
Fuck you, too, sir. Enjoy your diabetic coma.
Kyso, did they make you wear “flair”?
I can’t imagine what a soul-sucking job that must be…
They provided the flair in the form of ugly ass buttons, 1 per server.
At least I had the option of quitting. It was the welfare-to-work employees that were really getting their souls sucked.