Please drop your trousers for your discount, “sir”
Published by punkass marc August 21st, 2006 in Moola, Big BusinessA few days ago, Jessica at Feministing posted the latest in advanced menu technology — the sex-based pricing model:
This could be the tip of the iceberg. Now that society has deemed it okay to charge people different prices based on their genitals, who knows what we’ll be paying for items soon…
Tampons
Women’s price: $7.99/box
Men’s price: Free
I have no use for tampons. I don’t see why I should be charged any money for them at all. There’s definitely no way I should be charged as much as women, who have sole possession of the hole in which these items belong.
Then again, I suppose men everywhere would be forced to buy tampons for women, which is second only to having your nuts ripped off in terms of emasculation.
[Total aside: the “buying tampons is awkward” story never made sense to me. Obviously, the man isn’t using them. He’s clearly buying them for a woman. This implies he’s got a girlfriend, which means he’s having regular sex with someone. Last I checked, this was cause for bragging, not shaming. Is it supposed to be embarrassing that his sex partner gets periods? Because if your partner can’t have a period, maybe he’s a guy, and I thought being gay was also supposed to be frowned on in the macho community. This is all very confusing.]
Condoms
Men’s price: $.99/box
Women’s price: $50/box
Speaking of shaming, if women who buy condoms are sluts but men who buy condoms are studs, let’s use the free market to chastise/reward this behavior. Guys get to buy all the rubbers they want while women have to pony up for daring to try and control the sex game. If a man wants to wrap up, he will bring the jimmy hat, ladies. That’s one lesson the patriarchy teaches us quite well.
Haircuts
Men’s price: $20/cut
Women’s price: $50-500/cut
Oh, wait. I’m told this is already occurring. Moving on.
TVs
Women’s price: $100/HDTV
Men’s price: $4000/HDTV
The man watches his sporting events, his Jim Belushi sitcoms, and his non-internet porn on that thing, and TV salesmen should extract every last penny out of him for it. Women, on the other hand, can only watch so much Rachel Ray before it’s time to pick up the kids or make dinner.
I suppose single women buy TVs, but that’s probably because they don’t know Sex and the City’s been cancelled.
Sports tickets
Women’s price: $5/ticket
Men’s price: $50-500/ticket
Speaking of sports, we all know how much women hate them. If they’re going, it’s only to please their men, which should be rewarded. Unless they’re going alone to ogle the athletes. In that case, they should be charged $10,000/ticket to keep them out; we might never recover from traumatic body images issues if they came to expect us to have six-packs like those Adonises. Women’s body expectations can be so unreasonable.
Guns
Women’s price: $20/weapon
Men’s price: $100/weapon
Yeah, yeah, you’re probably thinking “but chicks don’t like guns,” and that’s true, but chicks with guns are hawt and we should encourage it. Besides, I didn’t say how much we should charge for bullets.
The internet
Men’s price: Free
Women’s price: One billion dollars
It’s a hard, thankless world for the typical penis host. Men need a place where we can chat, a home away from home, where guys can just be guys. Maybe if we cordon off the internet for our gaming, porning, and misogyny talk we’ll finally have a kingdom to rule.
I went to buy my girlfriend tampons once, but for some reason she got mad when I bought the Super Plus ones. I don’t know why. I think she’s super plus, you know?
It means he’s not doing his duty to the LORD to keep his woman properly knocked up all the time. /sarcasm.
Obviously, the man isn’t using them.
Dude, why so sex-negative all of a sudden?
I think the awkwardness of the buying of tampons is that women are expected to hide their menstruation, because obviously the whole world is squicked out by it. Your boyfriend isn’t supposed to know you menstruate.
(True story: I met a guy in college who actually didn’t know that girls menstruate. He was not a virgin.)
That would make the “Oh no! I thought it was a sweet, but it’s a tampon, how embarassing!” adverts make sense, at least.
Isn’t that kind of basic knowledge required for high school biology? It’s certainly on syllabus in the UK.
If you’re buying tampons for your girlfriend, not only are you doing her a favor instead of expecting the bitch to do it herself, you’re sufficiently pussy-whipped that she doesn’t bother to shield you from the fact that she bleeds out of her glory hole. You, “sir,” are clearly a waste of a scrotum.
He was not a virgin.
Sure he wasn’t.
Dude, why so sex-negative all of a sudden?
How dare you, sir. I am simply positive about no sex.
When I would go buy my girlfriend tampons, sometimes the cashier (usually a woman, actually) would go through the trouble of double bagging them so you wouldn’t be able to see them through the plastic CVS bag.
Right, because I’d be so embarassed if a strange caught me carrying tampons and began to suspect that I might have a vagina.
I met a guy in college who actually didn’t know that girls menstruate. He was not a virgin.
What the hell did he think tampons were for?
What the hell did he think tampons were for?
To clean up blue liquid.
the giant lizard people menstruate clear blue liquid.
and now you know why things are the way they are.
someone actually watches this shit?