Internet libertarian sci-fi geeks, may I present to you, your Queen!
I am a very high-quality woman. I know that sounds arrogant, but let’s consider the facts:
* I’m slim (whereas 62% of American women age 20 to 74 are overweight)
* I’m attractive (my new picture has been rated more attractive than 86% of the women onHot or Not — and the women who upload their pictures are a self-selected sample that is probably already biased towards being more attractive than the general female population)
# I’m relatively young (whereas 82% of American adult women are over 30 years old)
# I’m intelligent (IQ tested at 145 when I was a child, which is 3 standard deviations above the mean — higher than 99.85% of the population. Even if I’ve gotten dumber as I’ve aged I’m probably still at least a 130, which is higher than 97.5% of the population.)
# I’m educated (whereas 77% of American women do not have bachelor’s degrees)
# I have my financial shit together (no debt, perfect credit history, 6+ months living expenses saved, adequate insurance, self employed)
# I have a strong libido and love having sex (my lover *never* has to beg, unless it’s for me to let him get some sleep!)
# Most of my interests tend to be more popular with men than women: science fiction, libertarianism, blogging, politics, economics, guns, gambling, etc.
Ignore the warning signs, just love her. Love her. But not too much, or in a way that squicks her out.
Also, before anyone feels bad that I felt harassed by their attention, I want to clarify that it wasn’t any one person’s behavior that has made me this uncomfortable, rather it’s the cumulative effect of being simultaneously aggressively pursued by several men who I don’t have reciprocal feelings for. Most of you probably didn’t realize that you weren’t the only one hitting on me over the past few weeks. But now you do, and I need you all to cool it.
She is a discriminating woman. A high quality woman. A woman of taste and class. It is a hallmark of elegance, of good breeding, to devote entire blog posts to how empirically superior you are to the rest of your gender, and to suggest that those unworthy of your divine light slum about for chicks in disadvantaged countries.
The sophistication that oozes from this living statue of Athena nearly shorted out my computer monitor, I shit you not.
Let me tell you, that list doesn’t even begin to cover how awesome she is. She’s got it all! She’s hotter than the hottest sun, smart as our best testing indicates (maybe even as smart as Debbie Schlussel!), and financially secure:
After graduation I moved to Costa Rica, and live there most of the year when I’m not traveling. I am self-employed and make my living through a variety of projects, including positive expectation gambling, blogging, affiliate marketing, and writing.
Gambling and affiliate marketing! If only we could all be so entrepuernerial!
Anyway, she’s not only hot, she’s not only highly educated, she not only makes a living through exotic, not at all unstable means, she’s also one of the guys! And she likes sex, which most women don’t you know, because of hormones and stuff.
You know, by every possible standard, Jacqueline Mackie Paisley Passey is my superior. Do you hear that, Jackie? I BOW TO YOU. I LOVE YOU. I ASPIRE TO BE YOU. I could only wish to have her combination of sex appeal, smarts, wit, money, stellar hot or not rating, and love of properly mainstream science fiction. Then the men would flock to me. Flock, I tell you! And I would be happy.
Tragically, this can never be. My value on the dating market is lower than hers. I am not slender, or a libertarian, and I am critical of Star Wars. I barely even like anime and manga anymore (except for Under Grand Hotel. If anyone has the any of the series besides the second book, I’d be willing to negotiate for it. Yes, I am aware that it is gay porn. Shut up.)
It’s so sad, because she’s had such terrible luck finding a good guy. And if someone like her can’t do it after countless personal ads and her very own blog devoted to the subject of her and her awesomeness, what chance do the rest of us plebes have?
I’ll go ask my fiance. He’s good at these kinds of questions.
Thanks, Amanda. We all needed this.
!!!!SHOCKING UPDATE!!!!!
Jackie might only be all that, and not actually come with any sides.
I like her attitude—-I’m the hottest woman…..at the sci-fi convention! I’ll do her one better. I’m going to move to a monastary and tell everyone I’m the sexiest woman around.
I was the hottest woman at the anime convention once*. It’s actually not all it’s cracked up to be.
*Not true. Although I was occassionally the hottest woman in that particular room of the anime convention. Although there were several men who looked better than me in a skirt, so it’s really a wash.
I’m just trying to imagine the exquisite hell of going on a date with her. Not that she’d have me, not least because I have the wrong equipment, unlike 48.87392434% of the population.
I did a CTRL-F and didn’t find “titty-fuck” anywhere on the site so I guess I’ll have to send her an e-mail.
She also has thinner lips than 97% of American women, not to mention a more receding hairline than 76% of same.
Come to think of it, does “Jacqueline Mackie Paisley Passey” sound like anything other than a jump-rope rhyme to anyone else?
She probably experiences orgasm 94% more than other people and receives 83% more pleasure from it. I’m visualising graphs and charts, all through her apartment.
But oh, statistics can say all kinds of things. Forfty percent of people know that.
I’m still laughing (a day later) at the fact that she considers the ratings at Hot or Not to be some kind of objective measure of beauty (as if such a thing exists anyway). She says “and the women who upload their pictures are a self-selected sample that is probably already biased towards being more attractive than the general female population.” She’s almost correct — the people who upload their pictures are a self-selected sample that is probably biased toward being more shallow and narcissistic than the general population.
Oh, and a couple more fun facts about her: (1) Among her long list of interests is “beauty.” (2) She “added ‘Paisley’ to [her] legal name a couple of years ago to amuse [her] stepmother.”
ohgodohgod. besides the strange statistics fetish and Rand/self-worship, she’s into evolutionary psychology and… “transhumanism.”
MOMMY SHE SCARES ME
60% of the time it works all the time.
Also, Jean Auel? As a favorite author? In the alphabetized list? I wonder if sometimes she calls out for Jondalar at the peak of her libertarian passion. Maybe that was a secret source of friction in the Terrence (Chan) relationship.
You boast about your IQ and intelligence, but apparently your knowledge of basic human psychology is deeply flawed. Do you realize that through your egotistical boasting you are actually letting the world know how deeply insecure and inadequate you feel? A person who actually has healthy self-esteem would not feel a need to compare themselves to generalized statistics. It’s called “other esteem” and it reveals underlying emotional disturbance. Everyone knows that standardized tests don’t qualify anything real, and some of the most irritatingly stupid people I’ve met have Bachelor’s degrees. Apparently you’ve never heard the cliche “beauty is in the eye of the beholder.” In short, I feel sorry for you.
Frankly, I find you painfully average looking (thin lips, pointy nose, boring facial structure) and you’d surely never be voted America’s Next Top Model – or even be asked to pose for Playboy (slim = small breasts). As for Libertarianism, I would rate that as a sign of raging phiolosophical stupidity, not intelligence. Whilst you brag about your IQ, I seriously question your EQ.
I FUCKING LOVE THE HANDLE, ARWMI!!!!! Are we doppelgangers?