also, I’m in favor of Oval Office blow jobs. I think they’re a great idea and that every president should try it at least once. But obviously they should be clean about it – that’s expensive furnishings in there.

I saw a Calvin pissing on the UN sticker on a truck covered in anti-Bush stickers. What’s that all about?

I’d also add “Confederate flags”.

Which are unauthorized (I love you, Bill Watterson.)

-Murder, Rape (of course)
-Violence (except on the football field)
-Torture, (listening to country music. Gotcha!)
-Abuse (There are all kinds but I get the idea)
-Molestation (of course)
-Threats of murder, rape, violence, torture, abuse, or molestation (Unless it’s against wingnuts)
-Bob Seger and Toby Keith (or otherwise nationistic blowhard, fascist cheerleaders)
-Racism (We’re all racists. I hate the human race so that makes me a racist)
-Sexism (Vague term. It’s hard for some to understand what constitutes sexism. By today’s standards the way I treat my mom would be considered sexism and I love my mom more than my own life)
-Holocaust denial (except when jews do it)
-Oppression (except when it’s against my kids. I need to keep them in line)
-Exploitation (This one is stupid. Everything we, the human race, do is an act of exploitation)
-Shower Boobs (I thought they were kinda funny)
-Porn Fairies (Don’t know what these are.)
-Environmental abuse (Sometimes I have to pee outdoors. Does that constitute abuse?)
-Calvin urination decals (see above. I think these things were kinda cool. I have one that has Calvin pissing on the GOP acronym. I’ve seen some that show him pissing on the state of Texas as well as the Bush/Cheney 04’ logo and ‘W 04’’ logos. Sometimes these things are cool.)
-Bestiality (Who in the world can do this who isn’t insane?)
-Pedophilia (Same as above. But this will piss off the mormons: then again I don’t care if I piss off the mormoms!)
-Bad plastic surgery (On vain persons it’s ok as it teaches them a lesson. On children with birth defects needing corrective surgery it’s not ok.)
-Wood paneling (on station wagons to boot, UUUUGGHHH!!)
-Corruption (Unless I’m the one doing it)
-Children playing with matches (unless they’re boyscouts and know how to properly handle them)
-Animal cruelty (unless you’re in a jungle where the animals can get their chance at revenge)
-Not paying your website bill and blaming it on us (It almost worked. It probably helped his numbers.)
-Lying (except to immediately prevent something else on the list) (only to women. I don’t like telling the truth to women. It usually always gets me in trouble.)
-Cheating (on Monopoly. Yeah I hate it when that happen too. The kid playing the banker is always ripping off hundreds and fifties when nobody is looking)
-Poisoning Halloween candy (Sometimes poison helps improve the tast of candies popcorn balls. Those things need all the help they can get. Hint, hint folks?)
-Hypocrisy (except when it involves driving)
-Dehydration (Unless you’re beef jerky maker)
-Police Academy VII (Or Friday the 13th VII)
-Tax Evasion (I am sorta for it after all that has been going on the last 6 years. Would you want to fund PNAC’s little Irac adventure?)
-Oval Office BJs (Unless they’re consensual, and only if they didn’t involve Hillary Clinton)
-Kantian “Nihilism” (It’s fun!)
-Gratuitous Hitler comparisons* (after everything we’ve seen the last 6 years how in the world could anyone suggest that they aren’t pertinent to the current administration?? These guys have more connections to nazis than any admin in history.)
-Fraudulent reporting (sometimes stupid people need to be lied to to get them to stop being stupid.)
-Excessive photoshopping (unless you look like my ass)
-Genetically splicing a ferret and a manatee (actually if they pulled if off it would be quite nice)
-The Family Circus (I liked reading this when I was a kid. It’s better than BC which is a comic dedicated exclusively to ridiculing evolution)
-The end of the universe (sometimes I get tired of this shit and wouldn’t mind)

MYOB’
.

(And by existential I don’t mean Existential. These aren’t pretentious French goats who sit around and debate “No Exit” all day. If they were, they would’ve been killed and eaten by the wingnuts long ago.)

I saw that same commercial during Dog Whisperer. I only noticed because my dog was barking at it. Smart dog. He also barks at those Head On commercials.