["Reefer Madness" trailer voice]
Sack Town… Where every car may be out to kill you.
Sack Town. Where a robot assassin from the future has taken over the government.
Sack Town! Where they make it impossible to leave.
Sack Town!! You’ve been warned.
[/ "Reefer Madness" trailer voice]
Actually, I hear Sacramento is underrated. Especially if you like Blow Job Contests. Needless to say, that link is not work-safe.
SacramentoZone runs an ongoing contest for the ladies that makes no bones about pretty much anything. I’ll let their FAQ explain:
How old do I have to be?
The minimum age is 18. There is no maximum age and we give bonus points to women over 60!
Commendably open-minded of them. If you’re running a contest that rewards performance, make sure the veterans are allowed to participate, and not just the rookies.
Do I have a better chance of winning if I give the blow job to one of your editors or does it matter?
A better chance !
I admire their honesty, if not their excessive use of the space bar.
I was thinking of doing this contest with one of my guy friends but is it true you get a bonus if you give the blow job to one of the editors?
You automatically get 25 bonus points for choosing an editor.
Uh, they’re really driving home the “blow an editor” angle, aren’t they?
If it is one of the editors, who will I be giving the blow job to and how is that decided?
The editors decide.
Otherwise, that fucking Justin bastard from Adult Classifieds, with his washboard abs and a complexion that suggests he actually goes outside, would get all the BJs.
May I keep my panties on during the blow job or would that hurt my chance of winning?
It does not matter, whatever makes you more comfortable. Some women have remained totally clothed.
If I were a woman, I think I would do it in combat fatigues or a lion suit.
Do I have a better chance of winning if I am OK with pictures being taken?
It does not matter, many of our contestants prefer to remain anonymous?
They sound confused by that idea.
Do I have a better chance of winning if I swallow? (I pretty much always swallow anywayz)
It does not matter, we encourage safe sex and would never penalize someone for practicing it.
Swallowing = safe sex. The learning never stops in the SacramentoZone.
Do I have a better chance of winning if I start with a rim job or does that not count?
We give extra points for effort and creativity.
So to “win” this $100 contest, I believe you simply need to lick the asshole of one of their editors before sucking his cock until he comes in your mouth, at which point you may “practice safe sex” or not.
If I don’t win, like how long before I can come back and try again?
Everyone wins something, we want you to win. We want you to tell your friends!
Keep sucking, ladies. Daddy will always have some kind of trinket in his pocket for you.
Also, as they point out on the contest pictures page (again, you will be fired for opening that):
Unlike our Best Breasts Contest [fired -ed.], this is rated on style rather than appearance and only our editors get to vote.
Yes, that means they have a real honest-to-goodness pictures page of some of the “contestants.”
There’s no start or finish date to this contest.
There’s no indication of whether or not you compete against other women, or simply the strawBJ. Based on picture-page comments like:
Joyce says that the balls are an overlooked erogenous zone. We agreed and gave her $100
I tend to think it’s the strawBJ.
So, essentially, the higher-ups in the SacramentoZone have an open-ended invite for women to suck their cocks for money and call it part of a contest. If you’re the prudish type, they’ll simply send an editor to your home or let you bring a friend to their place so they can watch. If they decide it’s good enough, you get $100. If it’s so-so or you don’t lick enough butt, you get less.
There are many excellent arguments to be made for legalizing the exchange of sex for cash, but I’m having a tough time believing this is anything other than some lonely, dumpy porn addicts living the dream.
In a surreal cut-and-paste snafu, I accidentally posted the contest link as part of my Killing Civilians to Protect Civilians post. JackGoff had this to say, and I think it sums things up nicely:
Just a question, punkass marc. Did you mean to link to the BJ contest? If so, it worked to make the post less dark and soul-crushing, but it also hit home to me how sheltered and, indeed, oblivious we are here in the States. We’re dropping bombs on civilians daily and torturing people. And we’re also holding bullshit contests for women to win $100 by sucking cock. Irony is the new black.
Sack town. Where the misogyny’s cheerful and the irony black.
I can’t wait for some moron to stroll in and call you a shrill sex-hating harpy.
I never ceased to be amused by the number of men who are just dying for evidence that women really do hate sex. Talk about insecure. As for these guys, good lord this is stupid. Wonder how long before they get picked up for soliciting.
Pretty damn disgusting. But I think the comment about safe sex actually meant they wouldn’t penalize someone for practicing safe sex by not swallowing, although I’m still unclear what difference spitting/swallowing makes.
You shrill, sex-hating harpy.
I bet he burns his bras.
I got me them hairy pits, too.
Shave yer legs, ya hippy!
You’re just pissy ’cause you can’t get a mayun.
I know it. I asked Eric Johnson to go out with me but he said he wasn’t
allowed to admit he wasgay.Isn’t it discrimination if they don’t let men enter the contest?
I think men should get bonus points for entering just because they’re men. Especially if they choose to blow an editor.
*gasp!* If they let men blow men, what will they allow next? Donkeys? Knotholes? This is why we need a gay blowjob contest ban in the constitution, because the slippery slope leads straight to hades.
Everyone knows that the best blowjobs also involve a finger up the ass. Wonder what the editors would say to that.
Everyone knows that the best blowjobs also involve a finger up the ass. Wonder what the editors would say to that.
“It took our top scientists working round the clock just to wipe the smile off his face.”
I honestly thought this question was going to ask if she could bring a gay guy friend along to compete with, so the editors could judge who was best.
Interesting. Finally, a persuasive argument in favour of censorship.
a new bar opened down the street from my work – http://www.majorwoodysbar.com. their big grand opening drawl is that they’re giving away a boob job. but perhaps the best part is their grand opening flyer, which advertises that the bar has “Dance Poles So The Ladies Can Demonstrate Their Wild Side.”