Man Who Ripped Off His Wife’s Arm With His Pick-Up Is a Hero
Published by McBoing July 13th, 2006 in Drunkle, Lick My Jackboots of Love, What Patriarchy?Let’s see Maggie Gallagher defend this.
Police say he dragged his wife down a dirt road, her arm tangled in the seatbelt strap through the open door of his pickup, until the limb ripped clean from her body.
His lawyer says he’s a hero, rushing his injured wife to the hospital before she bled to death…
…”I’m saying he’s a hero,” John Gonta, Humphrey’s lawyer, said Thursday. “He made sure his wife survived. Whatever happened before that, I don’t know, but I’m glad he took her to the hospital.”
Police, too, aren’t entirely sure what led to 34-year-old Brenda Humphrey’s arm being ripped off about 1 a.m. Sunday. After days of searching, police still haven’t found the crime scene or the arm.
Bring this man a white steed.
This makes my “brian” ache.
Seriously skeeved. Must cleanse my brian.
I’d like to kick in his eye and pee on his brian.
Wait, he’s not related to Jeff, is he?
He was obviously trying to help her lose weight! An arm is what, 12 pounds or so? People are starving themselves to lose the vanity fat. She should be grateful.
Bring this man a white steed.
How about four of them - galloping in four different directions?
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Is a joke I would make if I were Deb Frisch.
It is not uncommon for perps to beat their family member to insensibility, then suddenly realize that if the person dies there will be some consequences coming their way. That oft times is what prompts them to magically turn into a hero and get medical care for their victim.
Hey, douchebag lawyer, you know what would have been heroic? Telling the cops where he left that arm. Or, alternately, leaving the arm on his wife and going off to save a child from a burning building or something of the sort.
wouldn’t the arm have been in the car?
Not if you untangled it from the seatbelt and threw it out the window.
Think of the children!
This is the Magster’s answer to everything. Think of the children: If these folks get in a big fight just because he ripped off one of her limbs, they might not make like good God’s Children and, um, you know, fuck. It’s the traditional way to do it: Lots of fucking, and lots of children. And if you’re not fucking and having children with your husband or wife, let me channel Maggie Gallagher and ask you: Why do you hate America?
It’s not like it’s hypocritical or anything. Maggie would would be letting her husband fuck her and poppin’ out babies too, arm ripped off or not, you know, if it weren’t for that whole divorce thing and all.
Boy, “hero” don’t mean a damn thing anymore, does it?
Shit, if he actuallly managed to feed a kid and get him into bed after trying to kill his mother, then he might get a Purple Heart.
Just think of how heroic he’d have been if he ripped off both her arms
Still, I’m glad to see this bit:
At least the police aren’t looking on it as entirely heroic (given the nature of police forces, that’s a bit of a surprise)