Men’s News Daily has two, two, two! great sides of the same misogynist coin practically side by side today. The topic? Women, aren’t they obnoxious but so damn cute? Sure, they look harmless…until they try to steal your purity of essence and render you obsolete, bwa haa haa!
The paranoia is brought to you by science. Specifically biology, the girliest of the sciences. It is now possible to use stem cells to create eggs and sperm, paving the way for new infertility treatments for both genders. Of course, y’all wouldn’t know about the egg part reading Jeremy Laurance’s ominous little commentary:
The discovery that sperm can be grown from embryonic stem cells raises the prospect- though still distant – of a cure for male infertility. But it also raises the spectre of a baby born without a father.
If it is possible to create sperm from a collection of embryonic stem cells grown in a laboratory, then men may be redundant – a species who have served their time and are now discardable. Using stem cells in this way, even were it technically possible, would be illegal in the UK.
Scared yet, manly man? Good, stay that way. Always remember that scientists and women want to take your balls! And/or your money! I for one find this to be a justifiable fear, since we all know that if women didn’t need men for their 33% or so greater wages and personal sperm launching jet packs, there would be no reason on earth for us to put up with them. To suggest otherwise would be laughable, implying that men and women could partner up because they (*gasp*) liked each other. And that’s just silly. As for the scientists, they just hate you. Yes, you, personally.
OK, now we can spend the rest of the essay discussing about how your boogeyman will actually be prohibited, and move on to that boring IVF shit the procedure will actually be used for, then a quick mention about how it’ll be a few years before the technology reaches the point where cheap and accessable sperm in vending machines allows women to release their fembots and destroy the men who pollute our earth. Faster, Pussybot! Kill! Kill!
I would just like to take one more paragraph to point out that if you read about a new stem cell treatment that involves creating gametes to treat infertility of both genders, and your first thought is “Oh no, now they can finally eliminate us all!” maybe it’s time for some introspection. Your problem could be simpler than a feminist conspiracy to use technology to eliminate men – you could just be an asshole. Try being not a complete dick for awhile, see if the women around you remain cartoonish supervillians.
Did I say cartoonish supervillians? I mean, cute as kittens, oh yes they are!
Eric Johnson is not gay.
First, I’m not gay.
Just because he likes his kids and his overpriced coffee, and has maybe expressed an emotion or two, doesn’t mean he likes the cock. It is important to make this very clear to the MND audience, I guess.
To prove that he is not gay (NOT GAY, I tell you!) Eric goes on to wax poetic about a female composed entirely of stereotypes in a touching ode to femininity entitled, Worth the Hassle?
All that aside, I want to know why women seem to have such a natural fascination to men? (Ok… it sounds like a dumb question, but bear with me…) Is it genetics? Are we hardwired to enjoy the female form? I think so… Is it culture? All of us good chivalrous Christian and Jewish males who were raised right have some burning need to protect a woman… we like knowing we’re needed in capacities other than oil changes and revenue production… that too has something to do with it. Women…
I guess knowing it is a weakness, their incredible grasp over our attention, is the first step in maturity and managing the effects… the slender arms, the round eyes, the smiles, the impetuous playfulness and all those lovely curves… God I love women. All they have to do is be themselves… silly, giggly, attention whoring… and you love them all the more.
There’s no accounting for taste, I guess. Some people like lizards, some people think potbellied pigs are cute. As for Eric himself, he likes women. Crazy! I know! But they’re soo adorable that they’re almost worth the hassle. Well, some of them, anyway.
And you know… some are actually worth the hassle of the emotional, moody trauma they dish out and inflict upon us (and themselves.) For me, the only things I want to care about are myself and my kids and my job… and that’s it. Simplicity… but women… they have that ability to reach in and grab you… to make you want to compete and win to gain their favor. To provide for them, to prove your manhood in their eyes. But why? With all the lovers I’ve ever known, I also enjoyed watching them get ready in the morning… brushing their hair, looking for the right outfit, putting on the make up. So different they are from we men… We’re very utilitarian, us guys. Shower, shave, get dressed, go…
I wanted to cut so much out of that paragraph, but I realize that then you, the reader, would be unaware that I had removed text and replaced it with an ellipsis of my own. It felt dishonest so I had to make you read the whole thing. My apologies.
Anyway, Eric here has a thing about watching alien beings in his bathroom donning thier strange garb and grooming thier mysterious protein strands. Even when they get creeped out and shut the bathroom door in his face they’re so cute he’ll forgive them these strange moods.
Eric the divorced straight man who just wrote a whole blog post about how women are inconveinently incomprehensible but irresistably necessary then wraps up with some quick advice to single men about whom to marry and some insights into the thoughts and feelings of all women.
It is so hard for a woman to do anything wrong in the eyes of her man… so gentlemen, choose well and when you find one who you can love, love without reserve. Our culture may be lost in a confusion unisexual nonsense, but real women love real men… they love a strong man who can think for himself and won’t buckle under to her. Most will never admit it, but they want the freedom that comes from the security of a strong man: to be a mom, a wife, a loved possession. Find a real woman and together maybe you can build a real life. Someone once said ‘love is for fools… and the lucky few.’
Something tells me that Eric considers his ex to be not a “real woman,” but is this enough for the MND audience? NOO-oooo! There is only room for one feeling towards women on this website: unfocused, vaguely-articulated hatred. Anything less, including the praise of an imaginary woman for being everything that bitch who left you wasn’t, is simply unacceptable. Eric the Not Gay, you didn’t have to spill your heart out to learn that. Denise Noe could’ve told you as much. Look, you even put the phrase “to be a loved possesion” in there and they’re still not happy! What a bunch of fuckers, ya know? They just want to complain.
A sampling from the comments:
dapoet said,
Ar women worth the hassle?
NO!!!!!! ABSOLUTELY NOT!!!!!!
Why are men fascinated with females?
The answer is really quite simple Eric:
When it comes to females the vast majority Of menare just flat out STUPID!!!!!!!
July 12, 2006 at 6:02 pm__________________
DcFather said,
The male sex drive makes the world go around, but the taxes on it are very very high. They’ll even take your children, then use that as an excuse to tax you some more.
Someday there will be a pill, an anti-Viagra of sorts, that just eliminates the sex drive in males. If such a thing becomes popular, and government doesn’t shut it down, either men will have rights too or the world will collapse.
July 13, 2006 at 5:05 am
___________________
fourthwire said,
“And sounds like dapoet has not found the perfect mate yet.”
Was that a diplomatic way to suggest that dapoet has already met his fair share of more typical American women, Joyanna?
July 13, 2006 at 8:24 am
Eric Johnson is not gay. Just sayin’.
With all the lovers I’ve ever known, I also enjoyed watching them get ready in the morning… brushing their hair, looking for the right outfit, putting on the make up. So different they are from we men…
Is it just me, or is this about the creepiest fucking thing imaginable? Does anyone really want that 3rd Rock from the Sun dude leering and chuckling at their adorable earthling mannerisms while they get ready in the morning?
I’m thinking Eric got laid last night and is still basking in the glow. This piece screams that he wants someone in particular to read it.
I had this ex with wicked 5:00 shadow, and I used to watch him shave occasionally, because he did it several times a day and I had little else to entertain me when I was over his place. It creeped him out to no end, He hated it. If he had to make a list of the top 10 most obnoxious things I ever did, that would likely be on it.
My fiance, on the other hand, finds little to moon over in my daily grooming habits, and alot to be annoyed about seeing as my girlie hair and body products take up about 70% of the available surface area of the bathroom. Eric the Totally Not Gay, however, is probably thinking of a woman who would not be so incondiserate as to hog so much counter space, so I guess the comparison is not good.
Ok… I loved the critique…
Junk Science I’m sorry that you find the female form creepy… maybe little boys are more your thing?
McBoing Not laid in 15 months and I think I’m about to explode…
And, like Tom Cruise, I’m still not gay…
Ok… it sounds like a dumb question, but bear with me…
No thanks. It is a dumb question and bearing with you seems to lead down the road to Dumbasstown.
Eric the Totally Not Gay, however, is probably thinking of a woman who would not be so incondiserate as to hog so much counter space, so I guess the comparison is not good.
But how could he possibly love a woman who didn’t do silly girly things that would let him resent her and feel superior to her? If he wanted to date someone reasonable and utilitarian like a man, he’d have to be, you know, gay or something.
Junk Science: I’m sorry that you find the female form creepy… maybe little boys are more your thing?
She’s a lesbian, jackass.
She’s a lesbian, jackass.
Heh. Not entirely, but I have very little against the female form. Thanks, though.
Now then. Eric Johnson, is it really true you’re not gay?
Eric himself! Nice to have you here. Feel free to come often. Bring Denise with you, she never notices my work and I so want to be friends.
my bad junk.
No problems, Jack. That Dawn Eden had me going for a while, so I wasn’t sure myself.
junk science
Now then. Eric Johnson, is it really true you’re not gay?
Uh… is there a ‘test’ for that sort of thing? If you’re asking if I live and die for sports, leer at women in general and drink lots of beer, the answer is no.
But I loved ‘You’ve Got Mail’ so I guess I’m only 99% straight…
How’s that?
Look, I think it is very cool that women are so different from men. I have no clue what turns on women about guys but hey… I’m not complaining…
By the way… I think the ladies at http://www.takeninhand.com are very, very cool…
The first oclumn is another example of a male entitlement I’ll never understand.
Somehow, women are obligated to screw us.
I mean, to me, if women all just decided to be gay and get pregnant via in vitro, that would be their choice, right? As long as they aren’t forcing men into concentration camps, I can’t think of a reason we’d have a right to stop them.
I can’t think of a moral reason to force them to fuck people they don’t want to. Hell, forcing a woman to have sex is called rape, and it’s, you know, evil.
But somehow the patriarchy doesn’t feel that way.
Huh? I liked You’ve Got Mail, and as my girlfriend has pointed out, it’s because I like Meg Ryan (she looks a lot like her). So, uh, what was your point? Oh right, that being gay is bad. You’re a jerk.
I don’t have a clue what turns on women about you either, Eric. Must be that blinding straightness.
Also, that website is too pink for me to read.
JackGoff So, uh, what was your point? Oh right, that being gay is bad.
Hey… I’m a Libertarian… do what you want with your own life and body… but don’t ask me to pay the bills for someone else’s stupidity.
Want to a ride a motorcycle without a helmet? Go ahead… you’ll make a fine poster for ‘helmet safety’ as a cripple in a wheelchair…
Want to lots of meth? Feel free to ruin your health?
Wamt to have anal sex? Hey… have fun with AIDS, syph, herpes, and the rest. The anus was design to push things ‘out’ not take them ‘in.’ Anal sex is very physically traumatic on the old ‘poop shoot.’
Yeah, and lesbians have a real problem with AIDS. And libertarian is just another word for bigot who won’t talk about his bigotry. Yeah, I got it.
JackGoff
And libertarian is just another word for bigot who won’t talk about his bigotry.
Why should we? The needs of the many outweigh the needs, or wants, of the few. Oh… I’m sorry… this little group or that has an issue and we’re all supposed to bleed for them:
New Flash- Save Yourself… I’m busy taking care of my life… and other people should learn (READ- Grow Up) to take care of themselves and quit crying ‘victim.’ savvy?
savvy?
Oh, yeah. So, is Dumbasstown your permanent residence or are you just squatting?
JackGoff
Oh, yeah. So, is Dumbasstown your permanent residence or are you just squatting?
“Hey… look at me… my screen name sounds like male msturbation and I can say ‘Dumbasstown.’ I’m soooooo cool.’
Ok primate, I’m getting bored… want to debate me intelligently? Or do you run out of gas and start name calling with you realize you’re my intellectual inferior?
The funniest thing about screeds like this is just how whiny they come off. I mean all this talk about being a “real man” and finding a “real woman” always comes off like it was written by a real 13 year old. It’s always someone else’s fault that woman don’t automatically swoon for whichever interchangable dipstick rattles off some obnoxious screed about how “American woman are too uppity/demanding/selfish” or whatever it is he’s invertiably whining about. And they’re all nice guys, every last one of ‘em.
Maybe women dig jerks, but what I think this particular breed of social philosophy proves women don’t particularly dig whining assholes.
Uhh, no. And my name is John Goff.
EJ:
Impressive hypocritical speed, my friend. The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few… so you should save yourself, the smallest possible group on the planet.
Beeyootiful.
You have no trouble asking us to cry over your issues, EJ, and your Group of One couldn’t possibly interest me less.
Oh, Eric. You’re now officially a troll. You have no intellectual inferiors on this board, you WATB. You believe in Christian magic, Satanic economics, and the idea that anal sex inherently kills. The only people you can look down on are the Freepers and the Bush family. Everyone else has you snookered.
Oh, and Eric, I wrote some dating advice JUST FOR YOU.
punkass marc
Impressive hypocritical speed, my friend.
What’s hypocritical? What hypocritical statement have I made and what help have I asked you for?
It’s always someone else’s fault that woman don’t automatically swoon for whichever interchangable dipstick rattles off some obnoxious screed about how “American woman are too uppity/demanding/selfish” or whatever it is he’s invertiably whining about. And they’re all nice guys, every last one of ‘em.
But this one actually seems to like women for being so weird and annoying, which probably gets him sex from women who either deserve him or don’t pay attention to anything he says.
WATB
I’m thinking “whiny-ass titty baby,” but I’m not completely sure.
punkass marc
Oh, Eric. You’re now officially a troll. You have no intellectual inferiors on this board, you WATB. You believe in Christian magic, Satanic economics, and the idea that anal sex inherently kills.
I don’t believe in ‘Christian magic’ whatever that is… ‘Satanic Economics?’ You mean like when working folk are robbed of their hard earned cash to pay for the crack whore’s babies so some left leaning politician can claim that they ‘care’? Yeah… that’s pretty evil.
And anal sex doesn’t ‘inherantly kill’ anymore than cigarettes… but it isn’t good for the recipient… that is an established biological fact.
Anything else?
Jesus, Eric. If you can’t see that I spelled out your hypocrisy from my comment, you might as well not pass go, not collect your $200, and go straight to asshat jail.
Eric, I quoted your brilliant claim that the needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few. You then proceeded to espouse the Save Yourself mantra about 2 sentences later.
This mantra, the one you supposedly believe in, advocates selfishness above all. In other words, it advocates the needs of the few (you and only you, that’s one) over the many (everybody else, that’s lots). This is hypocrisy.
And the help you asked for is the sympathy over your inability to find a mate. Of course, it’s all your own fault. It has nothing to do with women. The day you realize your outmoded value set is what’s holding you back, your 15 month no-hitter many come to a close.
Libertarians are supposed to believe in personal accountability. But you blame all the women for your problem instead of yourself. How’s that for an extra dose of hypocrisy, genius?
crack whore’s babies
Yep, I knew it. Troll…NEXT*!
* TM – R. Mildred.
Christian magic = christianity (your own column lists you as “Father, businessman, Libertarian, Christian.”)
Christianity is that thing where you’re supposed to have tons of mercy for the sick, poor, and disadvantaged above all (you know, the opposite of libertarianism?).
You’re supposed to believe it because some magic dude died and was reborn and crap. I believe it because it’s the right thing to believe. And only one of us preaches it. Are you smart enough to guess which one?
punkass marc
This mantra, the one you supposedly believe in, advocates selfishness above all.
Self-RELIANCE is what I advocate.
And the help you asked for is the sympathy over your inability to find a mate. Of course, it’s all your own fault. It has nothing to do with women. The day you realize your outmoded value set is what’s holding you back, your 15 month no-hitter many come to a close.
Uh… I’m fairly wealthy and I’m not settling for just any tramp-stamped, pierced, rode-hard-and=put-away-wet American woman. If I’m going to take the risk of marriage again, and that screwed up court system that supports these losers, then she had best Not be the average American woman… no one is worth surrendering your freedom and potential your children’s economic future for consistent mate..
But you blame all the women for your problem instead of yourself. How’s that for an extra dose of hypocrisy, genius?
Where did I blame ‘all women’ for my lack of a mate? I blame my situation on a lack of time, primarily. But like I said before, there aren’t many women worth committing to around… when I found one, I may get interested…
Anything else?
You should get you one of them Russian mail-order brides.
punkass marc
Christian magic…
I believe in a guy who gave Hope freely. A guy who said the government is neither friend nor enemy… just ‘there.’ And that the religious leaders were corrupt and greedy… and that God loves them regardless of what some priest’s personal hang up may be…
So, in addition to throwing around empty slogans and personal insults, you’re also an anti-religious bigot? You ask the majority for ‘tolerance’ yet you can show none.
And what makes you Not a hypocrite?
Well, if I don’t get my sleep, I really do turn into a troll…
Post my stuff and critique it all you want… I’ll be back to fight another round.
‘Night all.
You obviously hate gay men, Eric. You won’t get any sympathy here. Anal sex is not bad for the recipient, as attested by the fact that you can orgasm through anal sex when you are on the receiving end. Libertarians like you like to proclaim adherence to liberty, but you are so disgusted by the fact that liberty means giving other people the right to fuck who they want that you will call in to question the very idea of being gay. You are a bigot. End of story.
Bwahhhhhhhhhhhhh-hahahahaha!
I would ban you, except you keep making such a fool of yourself for me, Eric.
Self-RELIANCE? Puh-leeze. Libertarians are selfish and proud of it. That’s why so many are atheists, because they incorrectly think atheism gives you license to be wholly selfish.
Jesus would be a bleeding-heart liberal and you know it. He’d be queasy over our income distribution model (even more over the one you favor) and ashamed of your attitude towards the poor. I can promise you that if the magic you believed in were real, he would send you to hell for the stunning unrepentent hatred you display with snark like that “crack whore’s babies” remark.
Your hypocrisy is stronger than ever, EJ.
And I hate to break you of your oh-so-original catch phrase, but “Anything else?” doesn’t win an argument, daddy-o. You have to stop digging yourself a giant hole to even entertain the notion that you aren’t my latest troll victim (I do love a troll-stomping, I must admit). Unfortunately, you’re burying yourself alive.
Now keep dancing for me, EJ. I like the way you shake it.
Anything else?
[sorry, couldn't resist]
And anal sex doesn’t ‘inherantly kill’ anymore than cigarettes… but it isn’t good for the recipient… that is an established biological fact.
Oh, so it’s only gay if you’re taking the jism. I get it.
Sigh. You have so much to learn, EJ. It’s almost cute.
Try this.
And this.
See, religion is a group, a club. You chose to join that club, and therefore opted into its values and practices willingly. I can _criticize it_ and its members without denying you your right to that club.
I’ll help you with an example. You sure criticize liberals for our value set, but you’ll let us keep them, right? The same thing goes for religion. I can call it evil and silly, but you can still have it. I would always defend your right to be in any religious or political club. That’s tolerance.
See how that works?
Now, I hate an institution I believe to be corrupt and oppressive. You hate everyone but virgins and rich white dudes. I guess I find my fight a little more noble.
But this religion thread drift has to stop here. We’re on about _you,_ not my dislike of Christianity, which you can talk about with me on those other threads till you’re blue in the face.
See you in the morning, sunshine. Get that beauty rest for the ol’ palm.
punkass marc
I would ban you, except you keep making such a fool of yourself for me, Eric.
Ah. And this makes you a ‘liberal?’ Someone takes a contradictory viewpoint, that makes you wet your pants, and you start waving the ‘Rod of Bannanation?’ How brave… how progressive… how typically leftwing.
You see, I’m a Liberal; a Libertarian and believe everyone, regardless of who they are, has a right to be heard. In your case, you take my article, post it, add some scathing (and very humorous) commentary and then get upset when I show up to support my views.
That doesn’t say a whole lot about your faith in your own stated positions, that you are not willing to stand them up to scrutiny… but Freedom never was a welcomed idea by either leftwing or rightwing zealots.
Let’s face it… with an attitude like that you’re no better nor no different in your tactics or approach than the people you hate on the right.
If I’m not mistaken, Eric, punkass marc didn’t ban you specifically because he’s having so much fun talking to you. That’s pretty liberal of him, don’t you think?
You believe everyne has a right to be heard. And once they come out as gay,they;re tainted and no longer worhty of the discourse you have granted them. We know the Libertarian argument, man. We’ve had to listen to their bullshit before.
Actually, if you look at the top of this post, Marc didn’t post it at all.
[...] Eric “tiny” Johnson said: JackGoff So, uh, what was your point? Oh right, that being gay is bad. [...]
Man, are you ever doing it wrong
Erm, yeah. You’re still here talking, so this sounds like a whole lotta nothing to me. Of course, in your attempts to “get” me on something, you’ve stopped defending your positions entirely, so I am left to conclude you’re a changed man. Thanks for playing!
(Oh, and I’m hardly upset. Just having a blast. Also, didn’t I encourage you to come after me on other threads? Yeah, that’s what I thought.)
I don’t believe the women at Take In Hand are real. They’re mostly a bunch of guys pretending to be women who love being raped.
But I do love this Eric guy. Brags about how women love him one minute and then talks about how he has to buy a wife from overseas the next. “Women love me, and that’s why I have to give them money to fuck me.”