Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld made an unannounced visit to Afghanistan, where he insisted the country’s Taleban-led insurgency will be defeated.
Photos and Rumsfeld’s comments from the briefing:
“Ya, I am Rummy, you just met with Condi, and we are here to pump *clap* you up. As you can see from my rippling muscles, zee puny Girlieban has no chance against us. Once I pour oil all over my pumped up body, I will walk out into zee sun mit my arms out and declare ‘Mission Accomplished.’
“Zee Girliebans will run up to me mit all of their flab jiggling under their fatrobes and cry, ‘oh, we are so sorry Mr. Rummy! Please show us how to pump ourselves up like you.’
“And I will let them touch me on my muscles — but I must be careful not to flex and break off their fingers, huhuhuhuh! — and agree to trade them anabolic steroids for arms.”