when the status quo frustrates.

The value of substantive insults like godbag

Thursday, June 29th, 2006

Reader Quin has engaged me on my “You might be a godbag if…” post in which I had some fun defining a few of the qualities I felt made someone a godbag.

His fundamental issue was this:

My point was that criticizing only the vocal proponents of Jesusfreakery while patting the nicer ones on the head is essentially splittling them up into “Good Jesusfreaks” and “Bad Jesusfreaks”, with the good ones being labeled so because they don’t make waves, is stupid. Criticise them for the illogic of their beliefs, fine. Don’t criticise them simply because they are vocal about it, which is what you are asserting.

Then, after accusing me of asking the religious believer to be an “Uncle Tom” in his initial comment, he went for the other most offensive comparison of one’s arguments:

Are you implying that religious oppression is okay because religion is a choice? That the Jewish relatives I never met because they died in concentration camps should have just renounced their Judaism before anybody came to them with a tattoo gun and a cattle train?

So that’s nice. By using the term godbag, Quin genuinely seems to believe I am suggesting that all religious people, and especially all the Jews who died at the hands of the Nazis, should shut up and roll over to The Man like Uncle Tom.

Long story short, Quin has fundamentally confused criticism with oppression and/or the desire to oppress. To unravel his conflation, and to show why terms like “godbag” do not qualify as oppression, we’re going to have to start at the beginning.

What counts as oppression?

I can’t provide an exhaustive list, I’m sure, but oppression is typically understood as an unjust or excessive exercise of power. The key element is power, meaning one passes laws or uses force unjustly.

Most of us can’t pass laws, of course, but that doesn’t mean we can’t oppress. Anyone clamoring for the passage of unjust laws or practicing unfair discrimination can probably also be said to oppress, or at least be supportive of oppression.

Now, I want to clarify that I believe you have every right to hold illogical beliefs. I will absolutely defend your right to believe in god/s and the like. I will also heartily defend your right to vocalize those beliefs as loudly as you like. Hell, I’ll go to the mat for your ability to talk to anyone anytime about anything you think or feel. You should never face discrimination for your religious belief system. Thus, anyone trying to pass laws, use force, or discriminate against you for these things is oppressing you in my book.

But can’t the use of language be oppressive?

Yes. Empty slurs, or those intended to dehumanize another person, are oppressive. Any time you insult someone in a way that suggests they are less than a full human for any quality or belief they possess, that’s oppressive.

Are all insults oppressive, then?

Absolutely not. Insults can be used effectively to assign to a person a set of values _and_ a negative judgment of those values all at once. I would call that a substantive insult. These insults do not contain inherent dehumanization, they do not imply that the person is less than an equal, nor are they intended to call for legislation or use of force against the insulted in a discriminatory way. They are, quite simply, concise value critiques aimed at a specific individual, and they are quite effective in the ongoing social value debate.

When you call someone a wingnut, you assign the right-wing value system to them and insult the values of that system all at once. This is not oppressive to the wingnut. Nor is the use of moonbat oppressive when aimed at me.

(more…)

“operant conditioning” or as we english speakers call it: passive aggressive manipulation

Wednesday, June 28th, 2006

Lindsay Beyerstein at Majikthise has an interesting opinion about the recent dogtraining for men thingie in the New York Times. here’s the post:

Amy Sutherland used animal training techniques to break her husband of irritating habits. I say, good for her. She could have gotten the same advice from a behaviorally-oriented psychotherapist: praise good behavior, reward closer approximations of desired behavior, ignore bad behavior, never punish, and provide positive alternatives that are incompatible with the behavior you’re trying to discourage.

Sutherland’s husband got into a pattern of losing his keys and throwing tantrums. She learned to ignore this behavior. She realized that she had been reinforcing her husband’s helplessness and his emotional outbursts by paying attention to his tantrums, even when the attention took the form of telling him not to freak out about his keys.

Some people think it’s degrading or manipulative to use operant conditioning on other people. I disagree. A pattern of ineffective nagging is far more degrading for all concerned. If a nagging pattern develops, that’s evidence that rational persuasion has been tried and failed. Nagging takes hold when the nagee realizes that the nagger is right, but won’t change.

Of course the trouble is that Beyerstein is reacting to people’s reaction to the idea, “oh you’e saying we should treat men like dogs? Well I never, how dare you sir!”, and she’s a busy woman so there’s no reason she would have actually thought out the reason why applying Operant Conditioning to a relationship actually creeps so many people out once you get past that first, gut level, reaction.

Most of the people reacting to this are women who’ve had the technique used on them, La Marcotte broke up with her last b/f because of it in fact.

Because despite Beyerstein’s claim that psychotherapists would suggest the technique, they wouldn’t because this technique is generally more often called “passive agressive manipulation” in normal society. A psychotherepist who suggests this remarkably stalinist technique in marriage councelling sessions is a quack. (more…)

Crap

Wednesday, June 28th, 2006

I accidentally deleted a comment that was stuck in moderation. Sorry ’bout that.

Feel free to repost.

What did you talk about at the tea party, dear? Nothing, just gardening.

Wednesday, June 28th, 2006

Since Christian homemaker websites are in vogue among all the coolest people recently, I thought I’d take the opportunity to revist one of my top-ten favorite modesty articles from Ladies Against Feminism.

In what has to be the sexiest, most erotic extended metaphore in the Christan Lady Submissive Homemaker Angel in Calico web community, Mrs. Jennie Chancey lectures a group of ladies about their Secret Garden. You might want to get your hitachi out for this.

I know some of you are curious about the title of my talk. One mother called to ask if she should bring along her copy of Frances Hodgson Burnett’s book by the same name. Well, that book does have some beautiful ideas in it that could apply to my talk today, but there’s an even more wonderful “secret garden” that I want to tell you about–and it’s a garden I hope you’ll all come to love and cherish.

A secret garden more wonderful than Mary and Colin’s delightful bit of earth? What could be more wonderful than that?

Picture in your mind the most beautiful, abundant garden you can. Roses bloom and fill the air with their scent. Hollyhocks and sweet peas line meandering walkways. Bright colors surround you on every side, while birds sing happily to each other in trees loaded with fruit. Shady areas beckon you to sit upon soft, green grass. A clear brook bubbles over smooth rocks and winds its way through patches of daisies, lilies, forget-me-nots, and buttercups. The garden is a delight to the senses–a place of rest, refreshment, and splendor. Some faithful gardener has kept it free of weeds, staked up the slender stalks of tall plants, watered the flowers, swept the walks, and pruned the trees to perfection.

Hey, that does sound pretty good. Especially the part where I don’t have to do any weeding. But still, it’s no match for the mystery surrounding Mary’s secret garden. Why is mine better?

Now, around this imaginary paradise, imagine a strong wall built of aged stones. The stones are joined together perfectly, leaving no chinks… Passersby on the road can hear the tinkling of the brook and the singing of birds within the walls. They can smell the wonderful perfume of the flowers. They can even see some climbing roses draped over the tops of the walls, announcing that within is a wonderful treasure. But no one passing by possesses the key to the door.

I’m confused, why would I have such a wonderful garden and then not share it with anyone? Why taunt them with the brook and the bits of lush, pink roses if they can’t come in and sit on the grass? Am I some kind of garden tease?

Can you picture this “Secret Garden” with me? Do you know the name of the garden? Ladies, the garden is you! Little girls, the garden is you! Your name is inscribed on that strong door in bright, golden letters. You are “The Secret Garden!”

OMGWTF! I was the secret garden the whole time! I get it now! By GARDEN, Jennie meant VAGINA! Oooooohhhhhhh! That was pretty clever, I think. Now, I can “prune the trees to perfection” and “sweep the walks” if you know what I mean (and I know you do!) but I’m not sure I can fit a bubbling brook and climbing roses into my vagina, and it doesn’t really have a wall around it. So how can I tease men passing by if they can’t hear the brook or see a wall?

And that brings me back to our Secret Garden. Ladies, do you know what the wall is that surrounds your garden? It isn’t a prison wall. It isn’t a fortress. It isn’t an ugly wall. The wall is modesty.

Modesty.

I can build a metaphorical wall out of gigham? I dunno, that sounds kind of ugly.

Obviously, God does not have a problem with beauty! Modesty is not about drab colors or dullness. It is not about lists of detailed rules that suffocate womanly charm or cause us to become Pharisees who consider ourselves superior to others. Instead, modesty is all about the loving protection the Master Gardener has created for all of His “secret gardens.” It is about a wall that keeps us safely guarded for the one earthly gardener who will be given the key and commanded to nourish and protect the garden within the wall.

In His Word, God has graciously given us guidelines for modesty. Beginning in the Garden of Eden, we learn that we cannot cover ourselves properly.

Ohhh, baby, nourish my garden! Use the rototiller! Use it!

Oh, wait, sorry, I got carried away there. You were saying something about modesty?

But, ladies, what God calls “secret” and “precious,” we must not flaunt before the world. When we behave immodestly, we declare to the world that the Secret Garden is unlocked. When we dress immodestly, we punch holes in the garden wall and invite the world to gaze upon beauties and riches that are intended for one man alone…The one option you do not have is to ignore the issue of modesty or to brush it aside as unimportant or not a priority. When I see the college girls walking around in underwear, I hurt for them.

I’m sure I speak for all straight men and gay women on the planet when I ask at what univeristy are women walking around in underwear?

You are all gardens. From the smallest girl here to the oldest grandmother, you are gardens! God has made you beautiful in His time. He has called you to be “all glorious within the palace,” as the Psalmist writes. Your womanliness and femininity are to be a blessing to others, but your treasures are not to be laid bare to the world.

We all got a “garden,” and it’s top secret! Gotchya. I assume, however, that since I have a garden, and she has a garden, and we both know what the roses and the honeysuckle look like, it is OK for us to visit each others garden while waiting for the gardener to give away the key. Right? Because if not, I have a summer’s worth of slumber party invitations to decline.

A Good Man Is Hard to Find

Wednesday, June 28th, 2006

In Dawn Eden’s latest embarrassing attempt to “catch” someone or something in some moral quandary, she lays out the character traits of a good, pious man.

A man of character values people for what’s inside them — not for what they look like, how much money they make, what use they are to him at the moment, or what they can do for him in the future.

A man of character is honest with everyone.

A man of character treats people from all walks of life with the same high level of respect.

A man of character perceives something in sex that goes beyond the physical — which makes him all the more determined to reserve it for a relationship that has more than a physical bond.

I believe that a man of character reserves sex for marriage.

A man with character doesn’t gossip.

Which is pretty funny, you know. Treats people from all walks of life with the same high level of respect. Unless they’re feminists.

Reserves sex for marriage. Whatever — he would take anyone who would have her. I mean, him.

Values people for what’s inside of them. Unless that gurgly feeling in your stomach is lust. Be it for sex or a *ahem* wife.

And a man of character is homophobic. A man of character “reveals himself” to god. But my favorite is the last. A man with character doesn’t gossip.

Huh.

Does a man of character publicly speculate about the sex lives of single women half his age?

I don’t know about you, but in my crazy corner of the real world we call that gossip. Does petty, victictive gossip lend a woman character, Dawn?

How to celebrate June 28th fairly

Wednesday, June 28th, 2006

On this day in 1914, a cap was popped in the ass of the Archduke Ferdinand. Five years later to the day, the Treaty of Versailles was signed.

Rousseau was born on June 28th. So was Mel Brooks, John Cusack, Jackie O., and John Elway. Pat Morita and Gilda Radner, too.

And joy of all joys, it’s the day we randomly christened as Iraqi Sovreignty Day back on ’04.

Today is also this particular punkass’s birthday, which will be celebrated at work, due to the fact that I’m in the middle of a project raging so far out of control that missing a day would back my workload up so badly that managing it for the rest of the week would suck all the fun out of playing hooky.

But that doesn’t mean the rest of you can’t celebrate for me, and if you’re looking for party starters, I heartily recommend that you take a gander at Obsidian Wings‘ basic intro to the philosophy of John Rawls posted this morn.

I love Rawls for all kinds of reasons, one of the most prominent being his ability to capture the essence of liberal thinking as the opposite of the egocentric limitations faced by aggro wingnuts we discussed yesterday.

Like any philosophy, Rawls’ isn’t perfect, but if you find resonance with his reasoning, it’s probably because you’re inclined to think beyond yourself, outside yourself, when considering rights and laws. While wingnuts say things like “it’s MY money, I earned it,” usually it’s the liberals who try to extract their own situation from the equation and balance ideas against the entire class, race, and gender spectrum. Rawls tries to formalize that process. To simplify it even more than OW’s reduction, he asks people to step outside of their specific lot in life and imagine that they could be cast into _any_ position/class/race/gender/etc. in society when governing/legislating.

Interestingly, he is relying on self-interest as a motivating force, that you might think things like “what if I were a working-class Hispanic mother of two?” and suddenly be inclined to offer at least minimal protection to every subsection of society such that, if you were cast into that position, you could at least manage to get along. So Rawls isn’t arguing for pure altruism. What he is asking you to do, though, is think outside of your specific interests before you call something fair, and that’s what the wingnuts often seem unwilling to do.

Senator Coburn says that he is descended from a raped woman and that it’s unfair to allow abortions because he specifically might not exist if his great-grandmother had gotten one. But has he ever thought of his great-grandmother? Or any other raped woman? Is he even capable of even _trying_ to imagine what it would be like if he was forced against his will to carry to term and raise to adulthood a product of his rape? I honestly don’t know if he’s able to do what Rawls asks. And that’s why I like Rawls so damn much. He exposes the self-absorbtion of conservative thinking.

Rawls coherently argued that you have to extract your specific life situation before you can apply the concept of fairness. It follows that you should consider what it would be like to be the people most affected by whatever you’re promoting or fighting. For example, the 101st Fighting Keyboardists can’t seem to grasp why we badger them for sending other people to die abroad because they think it helps them sleep a tiny bit better every night. We wonder “what if it were _me_ having to battle insurgents and fear an IED every goddamn day?” and thus apply some version of Rawls’ fairness instinctively. They seem wholly incapable of doing the same, even when confronted with the question. For many of us, there would be threats to our country big enough to warrant a call to arms, and we can imagine enlisting for certain reasons, but the very concept of “if you wouldn’t fight in it, you can’t support it” comes from a line of reasoning similar to Rawls’.

So on this, the day of one punkass’s birthday, I hope you’ll take some time to read Obsidian Wings’ thorough, yet enjoyable, explanation of Rawls. No one can ever truly extract all of her own particular biases or fully situate themselves in someone else’s shoes when evaluating a problem or solution, but I think fairness ought to be based on trying.

I’d wish for a magic pony

Tuesday, June 27th, 2006

Ten or twelve years ago, could you have imagined we’d be legitimately concerned about women losing the right to choose and/or contraception access in 2006? Nah. Would’ve been preposterous.

As bad as things have gotten, though, one thing that we _really_ can’t imagine is a rollback of a woman’s right to vote. Right?

Well, Coulter sounded like a maniac but did manage to suggest it a few years ago, and as Echidne points out, now some Christian women actually suggest they be excluded from the voting populace so that they might be better Christians. Answering a blog questionnaire, homeschooling Christian mom of ten Carmon Friedrich offered this response:

If you could change one thing about the world, regardless of guilt and politics, what would you do? Hoo-boy, this is where I get in trouble, and that starts with “T” and that rhymes with “P” and that stands for “pool.” I’d like to jump in a pool right now. Some may tell me to jump in a river for this one: I would remove women’s suffrage, and I might even consider making voting rights tied to property ownership.

That some wacko fundie women want women’s suffrage annhilated to appease their Patriarchs didn’t shock me. That any person alive would consider it the _one thing_ they would change about the world above all nearly sent me into a catatonic state. This Christian mother didn’t want to do away with discrimination or war or even godlessness. Nope. The one thing she would do for the world is take a woman’s right to vote away. Based on her property ownership addendum, I’m assuming she’d also favor outlawing property ownership for ladyfolk. Scrumptous.

If I could change one thing about the world, it wouldn’t even occur to me to take away anyone’s right to vote, no matter how much I hate them. How much loathing for her gender must this woman possess for this to be her #1 dream for the world?

Welcome to the Jungle

Tuesday, June 27th, 2006

Oh, Axl.

Guns N’ Roses frontman Axl Rose was arrested in Stockholm early Tuesday after allegedly biting a security guard in the leg at his hotel, police said.

At least he’s taking good care of himself and his ladyfriends:

“He was deemed too intoxicated to be questioned right away,” she said.

It was unclear what caused the fight, but Swedish tabloids said the guard tried to intervene when Rose started arguing with a woman in the hotel lobby.

Anti-choicer fails to grasp concept of not hating oneself

Tuesday, June 27th, 2006

Dawn Eden sure is fascinated with Amanda, and writes about her nearly every day. I would ignore Dawn, except she’s also so incapable of right thinking that she accidentally exposes the true psychology of anti-choice religious wingnuts. So damning is her evidence of her own cause that I can’t help but revel in it.

Take today’s gaffe, for example, in which she accuses Amanda of being pro-choice because she doesn’t feel loved:

I haven’t myself quite figured out why a woman would use the parasite analogy, but I have an idea that it begins with the woman’s view of her own birth. A woman who feels unloved is going to see herself as a parasite upon her own parents, spouse, or lover. In viewing the child gestating within her as a parasite, she is extending her own feeling of worthlessness and alienation to her baby. By exterminating the child, she is insuring that it will never be the burden upon others that she believes she herself was or is to those close to her.

That’s the reason for the enduring appeal of Margaret Sanger’s slogan “every child a wanted child.” Those who support the abortion of “unwanted” babies are responding to their own trauma of feeling unloved — and perhaps, without realizing it, exacting revenge upon the people who didn’t want them.

There you have it. By the end, Dawn Eden accuses everyone who supports the right to choose of being totally unloved and wanting to take revenge on little babies to relieve the anxiety.

Now, I know Dawn ran into the arms of Catholicism and not-fucking because those pretty boy rock musicians she used to drool over wouldn’t settle down and make an honest woman out of her, and she’s never gotten over it. I know she makes irrational choices because she’s fighting the wrong battles in her own life. But look at how she ascribes to all of us a similar line of faulty logic, as though she can’t imagine how a person could think outside of her own interests or needs or neuroses and just take an intelligent stand on a rights issue that affects millions and millions of women.

Dawn has laid bare the inability of the self-absorbed wingnut to even conceive of how you’d develop a rationale for your argument outside of your own personal bullshit. The only person to do it better is Senator/psychopath Tom Coburn from Oklahoma, who I’ve linked to before but want to share again:

On the death penalty, he said: “I favor the death penalty for abortionists and other people who take life.”

He said he performed two abortions to save the lives of mothers who had congenital heart disease, but opposes the procedure in cases of rape.

“Under the mores we live under today, my lineage wouldn’t exist,” Coburn said, explaining that his great-grandmother was raped by a territorial sheriff.

Coburn and Eden make shockingly offensive, simple-minded statements because they genuinely can’t understand how our political philosophy and personal life choices don’t come from an entirely self-absorbed point of view.

(more…)

So Good

Monday, June 26th, 2006

Soooooo gooooood.

Sex talk is like sex: sometimes it feels weird to ask for it

Monday, June 26th, 2006

Bitch Ph.D. has a couple interesting threads going, one in which women in the audience frankly discuss sexual preferences and experiences and another in which men are encouraged to do the same. In the latter, she surmises “women are a lot better and more practiced at talking about sex in thoughtful ways than men are” and states “guys are weird about sex, in this woman’s opinion.”

If guys suck at talking intelligently about the nasty, it may be partly because many are conditioned to assume it’ll be his way or the highway, which would render moot the need to wax inquisitive on the subtler points when outside the sack. Perhaps for others the institutionalized belief that the money shot is all that matters renders the path to getting there all but irrelevent. Maybe some worry that sex talk with friends would leave those friends imagining his girlfriend doing whatever he’s talking about, and the potential jealousy drives him to silence. There could be lots of reasons for the widespread suckitude.

But doesn’t everyone kind of suck at talking about sex in general? For example, in Dr. B’s comment thread, several women confess to being unable to tell a partner what they like and don’t like. Even if she can hit the coffee shop for a Sarah Jessica Parker-esque breakdown of her boudoir escapades, I would say that her prior silence qualifies as being weird about sex.

And that’s okay. It’s normal to feel weird about talking about sex, because the whole thing is fraught with peril.

Formative experiences of sexual awakening almost never come in a storybook package, so from day one most of us are toting some amount of baggage, aren’t we? Even if it’s harmless (like the fact that I first saw naked women in early 80s Playboys owned by my friend Ryan DeBoard’s dad means I’m utterly incapable of appreciating the shaved look), we still form our comfort zones in weird, unintended ways from the start.

One’s first cannonball into the deep end of sexual activity usually makes for a better stand-up joke than erotic fiction, too. That may be oversimplification, but almost everyone picks up at least one unusual lesson early on, whether it’s from the first fumble or first fuck, and many people spend a lot of life either overcoming it or fetishizing it. Even if you make it through the early years unscathed, though, surely some of your partners won’t have, and one can easily pick up strange habits, fears, frustrations or interests from one or many of them.

None of that would be much of a problem, though, if we weren’t still so damn puritanical about fuck talk. Practically every sitcom has the “annoying bratty child star asks about the birds and the bees” episode, and hilarity ensues when Working Class Dad (insert stand-up comedian X) gives him or her the run-around. Even if a show manages to pull that off well, it’s only funny because it’s true. Our first sexual conversations almost never go smoothly, whether they are with hesitant parents/teachers or other kids armed with half-truths and someone else’s scare tactics. And if that’s the case, why would we expect sex talk to get any easier as we get older?

Many people overcome these obstacles, obviously. Clearly, that well over 100 comments were left at BPhD shows that we can open up to some extent, and it’s probably easier now that in many other eras. But in both threads, a number of people confessed they were going anonymous for fear of association with their own sexual truths. Doesn’t that qualify as “weird about sex?”

I love that Bitch Ph.D. opened up a discussion so many folks of both genders are obviously enjoying. Unfortunately, that we all had to wait for her to start the conversation shows most of us still have some work to do, man or woman.

That’s okay, though. One step at a time, right?

The Fake Atheist Speaks from the Heart

Monday, June 26th, 2006

Disregarding the content of the post, he borrows his title from friggin’ Nelson. Nelson, people.*

Did Eden finally consent to banging the Raving “Atheist”? You decide.

* It’s worse than I thought. And today, I realized I’m not as big a dork as Marc.