when the status quo frustrates.

OK, last one about Denise’s stupid idea, I promise.

Friday, June 30th, 2006

Denise’s fame has crossed international boundries, and I am just dying to know what this blogger thinks about it. Can anyone read this language and summarize what s/he has to say?

Koufax, Anyone?

Friday, June 30th, 2006

Best poem I’ve read in months (initially because of this) is The Love Song of J. Edgar Goldstein:

Let us go then, you and I,
Where my leer is sprawled out upon the thigh
Of the lefty chick that waits upon my table;
Let me binge, in certain half-deserted streets,
With friends with pointed sheets

Through restless nights in Internet tirades
And sawed-off guys in chicken-hawk brigades:
Guys that swallow all my tedious arguments
Pusillanimous stray vents
That prompt in sane folk moral indigestion …

Oh, do not ask my meaning!
Let me get on with my preening.

On my blog the women come and bitch
Reading Ivan Denisovitch.

T.S. Eliot was a sucka.

US Commander: We’re tired of pretending it’s going well. Can you do it for us? Because if you don’t, THINGS WON’T GO WELL!

Friday, June 30th, 2006

Colonel Jeffrey Snow insists the media is like an insurgent obsessed with the 18-35 demographic:

“Our soldiers may be in the crosshairs every day, but it is the American voter who is a real target, and it is the media that carries the message back each day across the airwaves,” he said.

“So when the news is not balanced and it’s always bad, that clearly leads to negative perceptions back home,” he said.

The commander’s point is that the media’s driving the country bonkers with bad news, and if the elections go poorly for the warmongers, we’ll be forced to pull out of Iraq early and lose what he seems to think is a winnable mission.

Okay, then, why don’t you spell out for us precisely how well things are going, Commander? What exactly would you like them to say?

“The way I would answer that is that attacks here recently are up in our area. However, the overall effectiveness are down,” he said.

“So you may perceive that as double-speak. I don’t have the precise numbers in front of me,” he added.

No problem. That’ll sell like hotcakes.

Seriously, though, what news is he watching? No MSM outlet other than Comedy Central seems willing to admit that things are kinda in the shitter over there, and while some networks are beginning to run a few more features on our troubles, I’d hardly call the media antagonistic towards the military.

Snow calls for balance, but clearly there’s been at least that (actually, still too much flag-waving for me, but I’ll split the difference for the moment) and we’re still in a holding pattern. He has no evidence that antsy voters are doing anything other than making up their own minds on this issue. Unless Snow would like the media to stop reporting simple facts like the Iraqi Body Count, he can hardly blame them for his troubles.

Let me be clear, though, I am not blaming him, either. Colonel Snow has been put in an unwinnable situation. I respect that he refuses to give up and believes in his abilities, but I would refer him to recent occupational disasters around the globe for some contextualization of what he faces. This is our Afghanistan. Well, along with Afghanistan.

We we did was wrong. What we’re doing is wrong. Some of our troops are going crazy. Let’s suck up our pride and get the fudge out.

Mens News Daily reader posts final ultimatum, feminism has no choice but surrender.

Friday, June 30th, 2006

Denise’s Grooms for Life proposal is still bringing the wrath of the MWD reader upon her.

Commenter ninderthana, however, has no time for debate. He’s drawn a line in the sand and dares us to cross it.

…If you want to have a lower number of abortion then either give back 50 % of all sexual and reproductive power to men or have it forcefully taken from you by the development of the artificial womb.

It is time for change or history will sweep you away.

I fear that the feminist conspiracy will not take this threat seriously. I, for one, recommend complete surrender to the patriarchy before men get a hold of the artificial womb and start creating then aborting, adopting out or rearing children in previously unheard of numbers.

The next thing you know, they’ve outbred women, keeping only boys, and women are obsolete like VHS or rotary phones. Ladies, they’ve won. We never had a chance.

Is there a 12 step cure for Narcissistic Personality Disorder?

Friday, June 30th, 2006

About an hour ago, Carey Roberts, the mean old man that lived down the block when you were a kid who used to leave the lights off on Halloween and would conveniently place his garbage cans in the sidewalk so those “ruffians on big wheels” wouldn’t tear through the neighborhood like Hell’s Angels on Fun Dip, has posted his TWELVE-STEP FEMINIST CURE.

Naturally, there’s the build-up first:

With my own eyes I’ve seen bright, caring women fall under the sway of its deceptive allure. They soon begin to speak and act like someone possessed.

No, he hasn’t. Roberts has never seen a woman become a feminist; I’d stake my bocce ball set on it. Yes, feminists do be come possessed, controlled by that horrible affliction known as free will.

As the condition progresses, serious psychiatric symptoms begin to appear, including paranoia, hysteria, and intense anger. Some of these persons become diagnosed with conditions such as borderline personality disorder.

Oh, Carey. One wonders why he writes when he so clearly hopes his audience is illiterate.

To “defend” this claim, Roberts links to a seven-year-old article from something called the “Orange County Community Resources.” Of course, it turns out the article describes Roberts and not feminists:

Also common is Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) — more often seen in men. There is a great preoccupation with the self to the exclusion of others. This may be the vulnerable type, which can appear similar to BPD, causing distorted perceptions of victimization followed by intense anger (such as in domestic violence or murder, for example the San Diego case of Betty Broderick). Or this can be the invulnerable type, who is detached, believes he is very superior and feels automatically entitled to special treatment.

Wow. I can’t believe it. Roberts linked to an article describing the wingnut POV as a disease. Everything we’ve ever noted about their extreme egocentrism can be summed up right there.

After that, Roberts lets his mind wander as he links to a picture of Dworkin and says feminists could get help at abortion therapy retreats. Smooth talker, that Roberts.

He then links to a brutally incompetant ramble from 1998 as part of this freudian slip:

Other women got involved in a rogue form of counseling called “feminist psychotherapy,” which teaches patients that patriarchy is the cause of all their woes. [Read] Imagine going to a counselor to get help for your abusive tendencies, and being told join the N.O.W. for the cure! Wonder how much they charge for that advice?

Huh? Abusive tendencies? Wha? You mean yours? That’s what you go to therapy for, right, Roberts? Otherwise… because… just.. huh? MEDIC!!

Now, to the steps:


Cat wingnut, dog moonbat?

Friday, June 30th, 2006

Poputonian at digby’s said it, not me:

By the way, have you ever noticed that cats are like conservatives — narcissistic, self-serving, aloof, and pissy — while dogs are like liberals — loyal, engaging, altruistic, and eager to please? Just askin’.

Friday Random Ten – The Something Or Other I’m Drunk Edition

Thursday, June 29th, 2006

markie_biz02.jpg1) Sebastian Tellier – Ketchup vs. Genocide; I could do without the synth, but my girlfriend likes it so whatever.

2) Thirstin Howl III – The Alaskan Fisherman; This is one geographic area I never thought would make it onto a rap album — drive-bys on a snowmobile? Coke-dealing snowmen? It’s a cold, cold world.

3) Slick Rick – Children’s Story; If you can recite every word to this song you are my BFF.

4) Nekromantix – Dial 666; Despite the bas guitar shaped like a coffin, I could really do without this band on my playlist.

5) TV On the Radio – Dreams; Overrated. I don’t get it.

6) The Cure – Just Like Heaven; Drunk.

7) Otis Redding – My Lover’s Prayer; Still drunk.

8) Wesley Willis – I’m Sorry That I Got Fat (I Will Slim Down); By a true schizophrenic (not to be confised with the vernacular), with a badass documentary to boot. Make your friends watch it and bump foreheads.

9) Biz Markie – Turn Tha Party Out; Make the music with your mouth, Biz. And when you’re done, teach me.

10) PJ Harvey and John Parish – Taut; I just killed a bug on my computer monitor.


Thursday, June 29th, 2006

Musing upon the mighty wisdom of Lindsay Beyerstein and Le Marcotte, I think I have figured out the problem everyone’s having.

Well there’s really two problems, the first is Pardigm based, i.e. how people are thinking about operant conditioning, I characterized Operant Conditioning as a form of apssive agressive manipulation, and while I was not wrong, I was also neither right (The Law of Non-Contradiction can go suck a pigeon’s ass). You see, while all passive agressive manipulation is a form of operant conditioning, not all operant conditioning is passive agressive manipulation.

In fact, operant conditoning is such an innate part of interpersonal relationships between human beings that I would like to move to have that term of raw intellectual masturbation become a term used only by sociologists, pyschologists and wingnuts with fake diplomas, just call it Communication, it’s accurate and more easily comprehensible than that other term, which is honestly more wanky than a sack full of “The Hammer”s and does nothing but confuse the issue.

The second problem is of course a simple matter of marketing beyond the name. Namely the fact that the only “good” examples of Communication that anyone seems able to think of (which is partly to do with the wanky naming that’s been used) involves the manipulation of children or animals into docile subservience by their leninist controller.
Strangely enough, people are a bit worried by such things.

But people are of course only whipping out such fucked up examples because they haven’t thought it out fully and realised that there are innumerable examples of Good Communication, but that they’re such ordinary and everyday occurences that you can’t really see them for the wanky terminology, should be no surprise, and so instaedo letting you all pull your own plonker & bootstraps, I’ll give you a good example taht Amanda brushed past.

For instance, constructive criticism in the bedroom, a person affirms and discourages certain behavior and activites by saying they do or do not like/want to participate in those activities and behavior, and the other person accepts that and stops because they respect you as a person and do not want to ruin the entire thing for either of you. Yes this is a form of “operant conditioning”, now do you see why it’s wanky like a bag of “The Hammer”s? It’s just a fancy word for what can be nothing more complex than basic interpersonal communication combined with the basic human sense of empathy. If however you need more than empathy and straight, deceitless communication with the other person, then you are indulging in passive agressive manipulation, as I think we can all agree Amy Sutherland’s particular technique is (we can tell it is, because if she was a guy doing such things to a woman she’d be slapped with the “Nice Guy” label so fast her feet wouldn’t touch the ground). That her husband is an assbag manchild who both won’t change his behavior simply because it would cease pissing her off, even after being told that it pisses her off (and will then choose to escalate becuase of an overly large ego and misogynistic fear of being in someway controlled by a mere woman, rather than accept that it would be simpler and better for everyone if he simply changed himself) is His fault, but Amy, Patriarchal patsy extraordinaire, chooses to blame the “trainer”, herself, because women are always the ones at fault no matter what the actual problem is.

Such behavior is not something anyone who honestly calls themselves “feminist” should be able to condone or accept as good, it’s a horrendously harmful and self-destructive application of Communication.

Le Marcotte later whips out the strawradfem (I’ve yet to actually see an example of a radfem advocating total lesbian segregation, cites of a non-FOAF nature are required and looked upon favorably before I will accept that radfems are the mythical man-hating fems that Amanda, Bitch|Lab and Ampersands has made them out to be*) and the idea of gender segregationism, which is stupid primarily because segregation gives “equity” anti-fems a huge opportunity to co-opt and kill feminism and whatever momentum the movement has left after the dems’ anal raping of all the progressive movements after they deigned to let women and other Others, who weren’t gay of course, civil rights. Anything other reasons are just icing on the shitcake of gender segregationism. But the reason why she whips out the Strawradfem is for the purpose of setting up yet another false dichotomy (I’m saying that term way to often atm, could people please stop making me use it?) between passive agressive manipulations and total lesbian separetism. Here’s some advice for everybody so I don’t have to keep correcting everbody’s constant dichotomy fondling: If you think there’s only two really shitty ways to do something, you’re wrong, when loa tzu, sun tzu and bruce lee all agree on the single basic concept that the way to win fights is to cheat and change the rules out from under your opponents and make them play your game, and I doubt they’d all be wrong (though they could be Zengerle’s erroneous sources for all I know). two shitty optiond are usually an illusion caused by your inability to harness the only thing that makes humans superior to animals; our abilities to break,fuck with, bend, bust, smash, rewrite, revise, ignore and cheat everysingel system we’ve encountered so far that limited us, our big brains made genetic based biological evolution obsolete compared to memetic based social evolution, and our ability to both ignore and subvert natural processes like conception and viral death really does make us superior to animals. Though the stoner Jaguars of the Amazonian rainforests mean that cats certanly come a close second place to us. Dogs suck**. There’s always a third option to take, even if sometimes you have to knitt it out of your own pubic wool, in this case it’s the favoring of Communication over Passive Agressive manipulation that can allow feminist women to make good feminist men out of fence sitting assholes. Sex is a great time for prosletysing because, as a sufi mystic once told me; “A person’s demons are best slain in the nude” (it was a metaphor admittedly, but a more literal interpretation hasn’t done me wrong yet).

A feminist should never fear using Communication to deal with and stop a man being a misogynistic asshole, she should not accept his misogyny as her fault though (which is all too natural a thing to do because the hating is hard to not take personally, but it’s really not, which I suppose makes it worse in many regards), she should not accept that manipulative behavior that the patriarchy has convinced you is neccesary and just happens to involve a tacit acceptance (and failure to challenge) of the idea that men are just big babies who need careful coddling, as Hugo has made quite clear. She should also not give him a shit load of praise for doing what is really the bare minimum we should expect from men, treating women is the right thing to do, and it’s not something that really earns him the right to a shit load of praise, treating a guy who accepts that women are human beings as something remarkable just reinforces the patriarchal notion that it is this big deal that is a remarkable thing for men to do, becuase it’s not really, and it can also backfire and lead to him slapping you in the face with this minimum level of feminism as something the really does earn him all sorts of attendant rights that Other and dehumanize you. That it may backfire is not of course a good reason to throw the technique out entirely, but it does mean it should be used with extreme caution, the main reason that it’ll be impossible to move the movement forward towards the day that treating women like human beings is considered by more men than not as a bare minimum requirement for entry into polite society until men are taught and retaught until it finally sinks in that WOMEN ARE PEOPLE TOO, and that treating them appropriately is the very least a guy should be expected to do, is enough for me, though you may argue with the importance of such behavior to the wider movement. It seems to make sense to my brain at any rate, though it is really late.

And before anyoen says anything, that such an idea is just another form of Communication is not lost on me, but the fact that it can potentially have soceity wide ramifications should be no surprise to anyone, “the person is political” remember, butterflies and feotal deathicanes (which is a really deadly hurricane).

So in summary: everyone happy with all the caveats, kleats and agitprop?

*Some of the responses to the blowjob post have troubled me, and I’m not sure whether I should respond or simply take the fact that people read me as a homophobic sister-fucker as my due for being a sucky writer. /OT

**Because they’re fucking gross

Nice guy/groom for life

Thursday, June 29th, 2006

Contrary to what you’ve been told, it isn’t easy for a nice guy to get the right girl.

If you were writing a romantic comedy, I’d be the leading man, a real catch played by a big star like Matthew Perry or Billy Crystal. Check the stats:
*I’m smart, and I’ve got the MIS degree to prove it.
*I’m handsome and stay in shape via my church’s Ultimate Frisbee league.
*I have a huge TV and watch everything from Two and a Half Men to CSI: Miami.
*I’ve got good moral values.
*I’m giving, caring, loyal, and ready to make the right woman my bride.

So what happened with Miss Right?

I stood outside the clinic as she approached our picket line, a blonde stunner with a rack as big as advertised; even her bulky sweatshirt couldn’t hide those bazoombas. Her thighs had a few too many tree rings, but nobody’s perfect, and anyway, the grueling pilates class at my church could churn any woman from butter to stone. This doll screamed bargain fixer-upper, and I was just the right carpenter for the job — well, along with the Carpenter, if you know what I mean.

Unfortunately, my nymph possessed one other imperfection: she was with child and ready to toss it in the garbage can (along with her eternal soul for committing such a sin). See, I’m part of Grooms for Life, a new program designed to connect pro-life men of character with single women kamikaze-diving towards an abortion due to a lack of male support.

On Tuesday, the Crisis Pregnancy Center across the street snapped this woman’s picture and posted it on our bulletin board. The minute I saw it I knew she was the One. All she needed was a knight in black-and-white armor, complete with the bowtie he tied himself. My swift intervention would rescue more than my princess, though. Her unborn jewel would be saved in time to grow into the Hope Diamond.

As she approached, my buddy Darrin have her a good whack on the noggin with his giant aborted fetus picture. Cue my heroic entrance. Right as she turned to face Darrin, I butted between them.

“Oh my god, are you okay?”

“That asshole hit me!”

I turned to Darrin with a wink and grabbed him by the Old Navy polo. “You have five seconds to apologize to the lady.”

He faked a much better harrumph than last time. “Yeah? Or what?”

“Or you’re going to get beaten to an even worse pulp than the child in that photo.”

He hung his head and apologized as I scooped up her arm and ushered her away from our small protest crowd. “What’s your name?”

“Allison,” she replied reluctantly. A few strokes to her hand caused her entire body to tense up. I could tell she was nervous about her impending infanticide.

“I’m Ethan. It’s really nice to meet you, Alli. Can I can you Alli?” I asked because I’ve found it’s better to get on familiar terms with a prospective wife as soon as possible.

“Uh, no, you can’t. You can let go of my arm, though,” she snapped. What could I do? I gave her a big hug to soothe her anxiety. The powerful masculine arms of a real man must’ve felt especially good to her because she wriggled against me furiously, rubbing every part of me against every part of her. God’s love was in the air.

Eventually she pushed me back to get a better look at the cut of my heroic jib. Her words betrayed the cracks in her soul caused by her abandonment. “Are you looking for a lawsuit, here, pal? Because I didn’t get that JD for nothing.” I crossed my fingers that JD wasn’t some new veneral disease and continued to pursue my destiny. Oh, and I hand-signaled for my crowd to circle behind us and block the clinic entrance so we could have some more time to talk.

I grabbed her wrist firmly, to show my manliness, and interlocked our fingers. “Alli,” I said, “your life just changed forever. I’m here today because I know what you’re going to do, and I believe the power of love, which is to say the Power of God, has brought us together to save you and your unborn child from eternal damnation.” Her jaw literally hung agape in ecstatic shock. I seized the moment and leaned in close, locking our eyes. “Alli, the only thing standing between you and a happy family is the right head of the household. I know you’ve been abandoned by another damaged soul, but it doesn’t have to be like that. We can bring you back to the bosom of the Lord and give you the lifelong joy of motherhood all at once. And we can do it together. Because I’m here today to ask you to marry me, Alli. Will you marry me?”

I barely got that last part out before she threw a terribly unchristian right cross to my temple. I landed solidly on my elbow and uttered an unspeakable. My fingers shot out for her ankle, but my Alli was on her way into Satan’s arms and away from mine. She burst through my gaggle of friends and entered the clinic. As the door swung shut, I could feel the door to my heart closing as well. What was I to do without my soulmate?

It was then that I felt a tap on my shoulder. God? No, it was Richard from the CPC. He jabbed a polaroid at me, and I recoiled with a wrinkled nose until I saw the leggy brunette in the picture. No tree trunks on this one.

“She went for an abortion consultation yesterday. I think you two would be perfect together.”

The Lord works in mysterious ways.

A plea to Denise: Run away, run away with us!

Thursday, June 29th, 2006

Denise Noe, stealth progressive, closet satirist.

Despite Denise’s well-documented Grand Canyon-scale break from reality, I like her a lot. I want to give her the benefit of the doubt and assume that her batshit insanity and inability to string together a coherent message are the tragic results of trying to balance her actual beliefs with her desire to claim to be an ultra-conservative MensNewsDaily nutcase.

I believe this because almost every column she writes features one to three reasonable statements that any one of us could agree with, cushioned in paragraphs of gibberish designed to make the statements palatable to MND types. It doesn’t work, and I think she’s capable of more. Embracing the left can rebuild her. It can make her better.

Denise, those MND commenters will never love you like I do. Come over to the light side, run away with us. Look, I see potential in you. Like here:

Is there a way to radically decrease abortions without asking the government to do it? Adoption is often suggested here and that is a good alternative but I think there is another as well.

Why yes, there is another way. We progressives have the secret, and we’ll share it with you for free, because that’s the kind of people we are. But there’s something in it for your conservative beliefs, too-even though the secret to reducing the number of abortions is free, big pharmaceutical companies get to make huge profits of the sale of the tools necessary to do so. All those of us that can afford it ask is that it be made reasonably available to those who can’t. Creeping socialism: It’s not as expensive as you think!

And I bet I could make similar promises about any other topic that keeps you blogging for the wrong team. Let’s talk.

So there was no reason to go off and do this little mental gymnastic routine:

Marriage. I am not talking just about a return to the “shotgun marriage”; rather, I think an offer of marriage from a man who is not the father but will assume all the traditional responsibilities of fatherhood would be accepted by many unmarried pregnant women…

Grooms For Life could be facilitated on a practical basis by computerized matching of pro-life single men with unmarried pregnant women interested in carrying to term. Certainly, the number of Grooms For Life would fall short of the million and a half abortions per year–but the government would be able to ensure birth quite imperfectly as well. Additionally, female pro-lifers and married men could spend their time recruiting bachelors to their cause so that the screaming demonstrators outside abortion clinics would soon be replaced by swains in bow ties, holding rings and serenading the pregnant women.

OK, you know what that idea was, Denise? That was cognitive dissonance tearing your brain apart. That was the tragic result of your stated beliefs and your secret pro-choice beliefs battling it out in your psyche. There is only one cure for that. End your internal war, Denise. Step. Towards. The. Light.

Now, I want you to notice something: most of your postings generate nary a peep from the MND commenters. You get between 0 and 4 comments most of the time, and when you get more than that, it’s because you’ve pissed them off somehow. Look at how you angered them.

felix_phl said,

“Most women are quite rational people ”

Oh, I get it. This whole piece was a comedy routine! I didn’t pick up on it until the end.
June 29, 2006 at 6:41 am

debi912 said,

Why are men always asked to step up to the plate?
Why aren’t women expected to accept responsability for what they bring upon themselves? What happened to we are women hear me roar?I don’t want bigger government, and I don’t want to pay for someone elses mistake. Every time something is proposed to help women we end up with another arm of uncle sam sticking his hand in my wallet. I have been a single mom for a long time, I manage on a wing and a prayer. But i’m the one paying for my boys. It would be a hell of alot easier if I didn’t have to pay for anyone elses.(Rant off)debi
June 29, 2006 at 7:33 am

bethesda_paul said,

Grooms for Life asks a huge sacrifice and long-term obligation for a man. I bet there would be some takers if marrying a pregnant American whore came with a lifetime exemption from state and federal income tax. That would make it at least a deal men would consider.

No man, good or bad is going to take burned-out trash and her bastard offspring without big compensation.
June 29, 2006 at 2:00 pm

You don’t belong there, Denise. They don’t want you or your ideas. Come on over to the other side, and once the war raging within your subconciousness calms down, you will be able to write entire opinion pieces without once saying anything crazy, like this.

The motif of a man proposing marriage to a woman pregnant with another man’s child is a common one on soap operas that are a fairly good gauge of female fantasy. These stories represent the truth that many pregnant women don’t really want to abort, and would not, if marriage and commitment were offered to them.

You want to stop living a lie, Denise, you want to make sense. I believe you can. You just have to take that first step. Walk away from MensNewsDaily. Clear your head. Start over if you have to. denisenoe.blogspot.com has a nice ring to it. I’d visit it.

I May Be Broke and Unemployed, But At Least I Ain’t Her

Thursday, June 29th, 2006

I’ll Take Your YipYipYip and Raise You One Donut

Thursday, June 29th, 2006

I win.