It seems to me that stu has been put in a gender role he never intended to have. And it seems was explicitly promised would not happen. (Though believing that a good mother would not end up with her own children in the end seems a bit far fetched — so the initial promise was at best unrealistic)

So now reality sets in and his wife does get custody of her kids and now she has quit her job. She has just assumed a role. Stay at home wife and mother.

Stu has assumed a related and necessary role. The provider for said wife and kids. He has also taken on the responsibility of “wifework”. Arguably since she is at home during the day and not working, she sould also be cleaning up as well.

Also any romantic relationship where either party is not sexually satisfied will lead to disaster sooner or later.

So what is the result?

Disillusionment.

He’s giving up on the opposite sex for his emotional needs, but still desires them.

What if stu was female instead? Would she be accused of being the female equivalent to a misogynist?

Some food for thought.

Your wife =/= all of women kind. Additionally, women are not there for your sexual gratification and to clean your damn house.

Get a divorce. It’s not that hard. Additionally, by a Real Doll and skip out inflicting yourself on other unsuspecting women (I’d say “work on not being a misogynistic douchebag, but I think the Real Doll thing will be more likely to stick).

I couldn’t agree with Courtney more. With that respect comes communication. I’m a male, and I’ve been in that “Eureka” moment and with a female, where I’ve been expected to set myself aside to be there for her. When I’m upset about that itching, boiling tension in the relationship I have to set my partner down when we aren’t upset and start talking about my problems with the relationship.

While I think that the original quoted article is bull, single people aren’t inherently unhappy. I also have my concerns about marriage making people inherently unhappy.

We’re all people who want different things and have different goals.

Feminism so often points toward the evils of men, but it doesn’t always have to be that way and I don’t see this as an ‘oppressed women’ issue. All people in a coupled relationship should have enough respect for their other half to be considerate and understanding, and if it takes a little extra effort, so be it.

You know how I retracted permission for him to treat me like that? I was a ball busting superbitch. The guy was so persistent, and not listening, that he didnt leave until he pentulantly whined “I guess I just loved you more than you ever loved me” and even though this was probably not true, seeing as I was the one who inititated the relationship and I spent months trying to adapt or fix it even when i knew it was doomed, I just said, “Yeah, guess so”.

If that’s what it takes to negotiate and reason in a relationship, then fuck that shit.

Case in point: Kyso says

And yes it was the guy and not my expectations of myself. Because I also let him drag the break-up into a two month affair where he tried to get me back.

Here, the guy acted like a jerk, and Kyso LET HIM. Maybe because it was easier, or maybe because it was the pattern she was used to. The point is, yes it depends on the guy, but it also depends on the dynamic.

Marriage, both in a legal sense and in a practical and emotional one, is a contract (except for the legal issues, any relationship is a contract). You can negotiate expectations and consequences.

As long as I’m commenting, let me say thanks for the post! I work harder than I have to in avoiding taking my wife and my privilege in our relationship for granted, and it’s good to get reminders that “working harder than I need to” pretty much means nothing. It’s setting the bar *way* too low for myself if I hope to do my part.