What do you think of when you think, sophisticated beverage?
If you answered, Coke’s new coffee-flavored soda, you’re a twat and Coke has some coupons to send you. I mean, coffee soda? COFFEE SODA?
Actually, I’m just assuming it’s a coffee-flavored soda. It could just be a bitter, caffine-jacked version of Coke. The over-sexed website is not helpful, unless you’re thinking that no one has breathlessly panted the merits of CocaCola products to you today and you need to remedy that.
Even though the website tells you virtually nil about the soda, it does allow you to make crappy mod art dedicated to it, and spam your friends about it. And “register for updates,” which, I don’t even want to know what kind of person is so excited about this product that they want Coke to email them about it at random.
Wait, I found a press release. Sounds tasty!
“Coca-Cola Blāk is not just a flavor extension. It is a blend of unique Coke refreshment with the true essence of coffee and has a rich smooth texture and has a coffee-like froth when poured. We believe we have created a new category of soft drink – an adult product in a carbonated beverage – and a whole new drinking experience.
I guess it doesn’t entirely suck.
In a way, it’s actually almost sort of halfway to good. Picture cream soda with a splash of cold coffee, but with the psychosomatical edge of drinking it out of a fucking Praise Jesus awesome glass Coca-Cola bottle. (Hopefully the glass bottle thing is for keeps and wasn’t just a special deal for today’s promotion.) The flavor is in no way overpowering or offensive, relying more on the merits of having a label that says “COFFEE” than, you know, actually tasting like coffee.
But they way they’re marketing it is, um, lame. “Coffee essence?” Is that like purity of essence? And why the forced sexiness?