Comments on: There is no sacrifice too great to assure that your wedding does not deviate from our perfect template.

By: Blissfully Unaware of my Peril

Blissfully Unaware of my Peril — Tue, 27 Jun 2006 07:29:58 +0000

[...] Perhaps Kyso Kisaen will be a bloggy guide and muse through the Rite of Femminess otherwise known as getting hitched; she seems to have her priorities straight: I already know shit like “less booze = less money” or “borrow stuff or make it, teehee!” Any dumbass knows that skipping a 4-tier cake-orgy in favor of a simpler cake is a cost-saver. [...]

By: alice

alice — Sat, 10 Jun 2006 00:47:28 +0000

the commiseration:
the bridal industry is fucking insane. The whole thing is terrifying in its scope.

the (somewhat) uninvited advice:
indiebride.com. the folks on the message borads kept me sane through our commitment celebration, and kept the good ideas and advice flowing.

By: Kyso Kisaen

Kyso Kisaen — Sat, 10 Jun 2006 00:46:46 +0000

Oh, my God, Chuck you just reminded me of my favorite wedding story. I used to have a summer job in the A/V department of a local amusement park. When my supervisor got married, he got all kinds of free videography and equipment loans and stuff from the park. The other summer employees went nuts, presuading the bride (another coworker) to let them have carte blance on dance floor decorating. So they end up in a VFW hall with a DJ with speakers taller than he was, two lasers, a fog machine and a bubble machine. They fogged out the wedding dance so the videographer and photographer couldn’t get a damn shot, the bubbles made the dance floor slippery and the laser had a loose mirror casing, so the vibrations from the speakers fucked up the alignment, causing them to hit the mirror that was the back wall and bounce everywhere-and they were way too strong to let them hit your eyes. It was a Boys with Toys catastrophe, but everyone had a pretty good time.

By: Susan

Susan — Sat, 10 Jun 2006 00:36:34 +0000

Insulting advice from the nuptio-industrial complex and well-meaning but equally useless advice from friends and family is the worst part.

“Fuck it,” we finally said, and had 40 guests over to my parents house on a Sunday afternoon. It was nice and intimate, and we had a true reception about a month later (with tons of booze).

Ultimately, it works when you can decide on a setting and atmostphere that speaks to who you (and the fiance) are. Sounds like you have enough time to explore all your options.

By: McBoing

McBoing — Sat, 10 Jun 2006 00:04:59 +0000

a Ford Econoline-sized concealer stick

I hate Chad and Kathy too.

By: Chuck

Chuck — Fri, 09 Jun 2006 23:58:50 +0000

God, I hate Chad and Kathy!

By: Chuck

Chuck — Fri, 09 Jun 2006 23:58:18 +0000

Regarding the DJ:

1. Your DJ had better work alone.
2. I’ve been that DJ that works alone (as a precocious high school, no less), and I would and still could (if it was worth my time) emcee with the best of them, so um, fuck yeah!
3. You’re better off looking for someone who’ll leave the theater production equipment at home. People with lights and fog machines and a van with cutesy lettering on the side are covering up for their ineptitude. It’s like a Ford Econoline-sized concealer stick. Two turntables and a microphone should be all nearly any decent emcee needs.

Regarding “Oh, but don’t feel bad if you’re serving sheet cake or cupcakes at your wedding. It doesn’t make you less of a person, it just means Chad and Kathy are better than you.”:

Mmmhmm. And Chad and Kathy also ditched the amateur DJ in favor of a band. A real jazz band. With a goddamned guitar, too.

By: Kyso Kisaen

Kyso Kisaen — Fri, 09 Jun 2006 23:42:00 +0000

It is also of course important to not let your allegiance to the “perfect wedding” turn you into a complete Van Morrison dancing douchebag. I need a checklist of symptoms just in case it starts to happen to me! Some signs for the fiance to look for so that he knows to intervene before it’s too late and I’m making him wear a cummerbund and pose for “engagement pictures.”

By: Kyso Kisaen

Kyso Kisaen — Fri, 09 Jun 2006 23:38:27 +0000

Now, you see, that’s just the sort of thing I’m trying to avoid, and none of the $50 wedding planning books at Borders covers important topics like that. How do I keep my cooler friends from ditching my reception? How do I invite old friends without them accidentally alerting my insane ex (who was last spotted telling a mutual friends that I left him for someone with whom my relationship is “not serious, like it was with [him]“)?

I already know shit like “less booze = less money” or “borrow stuff or make it, teehee!” Any dumbass knows that skipping a 4-tier cake-orgy in favor of a simpler cake is a cost-saver.

What I need to know is stuff like “How sanitary would it be to have an ice sculpture the guests can do shots from?” or “Do I need to get seperate insurance against the damange my drunken guests will assuredly do to your building?”

By: McBoing

McBoing — Fri, 09 Jun 2006 23:24:27 +0000

Last wedding I attended blew. I was invited last-minute by a friend who wasn’t really a friend anymore, who sat me and my girlfriend across the table from my ex. It was a wildly uncomfortable night that consisted of me getting drunk and making out with the girlfriend in the parking lot before ditching the reception in favor of a bar. I later spent the entire night kneeling over the toilet after shots at a bar. The friend’s was, for the record, a “picture perfect” wedding. They even danced to goddamn Van Morrison, which was a deal breaker for yours truly. No wonder we weren’t friends anymore.