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There are two kinds of people thinking about Christmas right now. Those who have massive holiday advertising campaigns to think of, and those who would like to bitch about said campaigns.

Don’t let the anti-Christmas crowd kick Christ out of Christmas this year

Companies are now working on their Christmas promotions. Let them hear from you today.
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Remember last Christmas when many national retailers banned the use of Merry Christmas and allowed only the use of Season’s Greetings or Happy Holidays or even winter holidays? Remember how some stores did not allow their employees to say “Merry Christmas” to their customers? Remember how Christmas trees were called Holiday trees?

Remember when Mall Santa was replaced by a ginormous fuzzy dreidel with googly eyes and your children got all confused and some of them had nightmares? Wasn’t that sweet?

But I dunno, I’m still trying to catch my breath after the War on Easter. I’m not sure I have it in me for a six-month defense of Christmas. You know how it is, every year they start it earlier and by the time the Holiday Diversity Elf comes through the screen door bearing nondenominational gifts, you’re just fuckin’ sick of it.

There are companies which don’t want to offend a small handful of their customers by mentioning Christmas because Christmas celebrates the birth of Christ. However, they don’t mind offending Christians by refusing to use the term Christmas.

Well, at least they’ve internalized the message that bitching to the low-level customer service clerk in November wasn’t going to do a damn thing. Or am I being foolishly optimistic?

Unfortunetly, they don’t let you type your own text into the petition, so I shan’t be signing it. Instead, here’s what they’d send in my name:

Dear National Retailer,

I wanted to let you know in June that any company which bans the term Christmas from their advertising and promotion will not be getting my business this coming Christmas season.

I ask that you not ban “Christmas” in your advertising and promotions.

I look forward with the hopes you will honor my request.

Sincerely,

[A. Douchebag who Probably Doesn't Spend As Much As S/he Thinks.]

You know, some big retailer should do a little experiment. Take a random sampling of your stores and divide them into three groups. The first group should cram Christmas, The Festival of Lights (We are not going to attempt to spell it) and Kwanzaa down our throats. The second should only recognize the holidays with the sales, no decorations, no music, no nothing. The third can split the difference. What we need to know here is which group is larger-the rabid culture war fanatics who need to see their religion victorious at every turn, or the harried Every Shopper who might enjoy just 10 fucking minutes in December not getting Christmas carols, tacky decorations, or general cheer shoved up their ass. Then, who spends more? Only then will a clear victor emerge.