I am just some dude who very much wants to help fight the external and internal patriarchal corruption I see. I am no feminism expert — in fact I am of the mind that inherently I cannot be and have explicitly and carefully tried to explain my reasons for that.
But holy crap is that exhausting.
The topic of feminism is of such critical importance, and all people who care about it have such deep investment in it and in thoroughly promoting it the “right way” that it’s quite easy to spend several hours collecting your thoughts on some aspect of the movement and still accidentally offend someone or leave one or two vague points hanging out there somewhere for negative interpretation.
I think that’s completely fair, mind you. Nobody is whining about unreasonable treatment here. All I mean to say is that once you put something out there, a lot of people who are smarter than you and know more than you on the subject are going to have a lot to say about it. Maybe this means I should just keep my yapper shut. Still, even a supporter might be able to offer some helpful perspective from time to time.
For example, I have sometimes caught myself being subtly influenced by patriarchal conditioning. Maybe it’s a brief pang of jealousy that hints at some ridiculous notion of female possession — or maybe it’s the expectation that if I do and say and act on all the right feminist principles I ought to be praised for doing “the right thing” (as though I have graciously chosen to abdicate the patriarchal throne in some bullshit noble gesture) even though women often receive only derision and marginalization when they stand up for “the right thing” — but whatever the particular instance, it scares the crap out of me. I beat it back as soon as I notice it, and I like to think it doesn’t come around my psyche too often, but it does pop up. I think that’s a narrative worth sharing, and I think it bears on the limitations men face in the membership debate (which has been my only feminist topic of note thus far). Maybe there are perfect feminist men out there, or as perfect as any man or woman can be while operating within the patriarchy, but I can also imagine those men being the most comfortable with accepting strictly a supporting role. That role wouldn’t mean any less work, just less chance to fuck up the direction of the cause.
Damn. There I go again, opining on the subject.
All I mean to say in this rambling post is this:
1) Whenever I write on the topic of feminism, I am only offering my opinions, and I recognize that while I may feel somewhat strongly about some of them, I will never, ever profess to be an expert or leader or policy dictator on the subject, even if the inclusion of men as feminists is someday universally accepted by the community.
2) I know that even though I am just opining on the subject from a limited perspective, I have no less responsibility to be thorough and put forth only precise, well-thought-out positions or suggestions. If I fuck that up, I rightly deserve a crack on the noggin. Though I am no expert and (hopefully) my heart is in the right place, I am not excused from buffoonery.
3) Writing on this subject has only served to increase my state of awe and admiration for feminist scholars/bloggers and feminist supporters who’ve made valuable contributions. Someday I hope to grow into one of the latter.
*insert praise that doesn’t go overboard to the point where it resembles fawning over you for doing the right thing*
On the subject of seeking out stuff men can contribute that’s unique, I was recently reminded of Ampersand’s Male Privilege Check List. Anti-feminists HATE this list, as you can imagine. I was reminded because he’s battling it out with them again today.
Sorry to add to your exhaustion.
The topic of feminism is of such critical importance, and all people who care about it have such deep investment in it and in thoroughly promoting it the “right way” that it’s quite easy to spend several hours collecting your thoughts on some aspect of the movement and still accidentally offend someone or leave one or two vague points hanging out there somewhere for negative interpretation.
No kidding. This happened to me just yesterday on the first post that inspired our trackback exhange. I managed to write ambiguously enough that by one way of reading my post, I could be interpreted as implying that men had a bigger place in feminism than women. Doh.
Oh wow, do I agree about being misunderstood. But let me assure you, even the so-called experts and those more deeply invested get misunderstood too. You wouldn’t believe the uproar this caused.
dude. This kind of attitude (and that one post you are talking about) and the Bluey post were what made me a regular of this here blog.
I don’t think there is a right way to be a feminist. And hey, I’m guilty of patriarchical way of thinking sometimes, too. I think it’s like being a better person – there is never a “Ok, well, now I’m perfect”, but there are plenty of “oh, I should fix that one part”.
Thanks, elfinity. That means a lot to me. We are very grateful to have you here.