PunkAssBlog.com

Newsweek at MSNBC.com has an article about “extreme commuters,” or people who drive 90+ minutes one way to get to and from work. Ok, if these people won’t stand up and demand Japanese-style train-based public transportation, no one will. We are a nation of self-deluding crazy people.

As we’re pushed to the edge of civilization by runaway home prices and a longing for wide-open spaces, the daily rat race is turning into a marathon. “Extreme commuters” who travel more than 90 minutes to work, one way, are the fastest-growing group of commuters, according to the U.S. Census Bureau. More than 3.4 million commuters take that long road to work every day, double the rate of extreme commuters in 1990.

The rationalization for that shit?

With the sun rising over the Chicago skyline, he crawls along, placidly listening to sports radio. Finally, he arrives at exactly 8 a.m. Though he won’t return home for 12 and a half hours, Small still says the killer commute to and from exurbia is worth it. “It’s a nice place to raise kids,” he says. “And it does feel like you’re away.”
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What drives us to drive so far? Many are doing what California real-estate agents call “driving ’til you qualify.” New-home prices have nearly tripled in the past 20 years and now average almost $300,000, according to the National Association of Home Builders. In places like southern California, each exit along the interstate saves you tens of thousands of dollars.

But don’t feel too sorry for these people yet. We’ve got a weird cultural narrative going on that’s only going to make this problem go from bad to worse.

“It’s a game of leapfrog,” says commuting expert Alan Pisarski. “Jobs are moving out to the suburbs to be near skilled workers, which enables people to move even farther out.”

The end result? We’re all going to die. The commuters will slowly poison themselves with the help of the ever-helpful fast food industry, aided and abetted by the auto manufacturers. Not all of them, though. Some will just shorten their lifespan from communting-related stress.

Living in our cars also is taking a toll on our minds and bodies. Half the couples whom Stockton, Calif., psychologist Timothy Miller counsels suffer from commuter stress. “I get frantic phone calls from couples asking to see me before 5 a.m. or after 8 p.m.,” he says. The longer the commute, the more likely the commuter will suffer bouts of road rage, which can lead to heart attacks, strokes and ulcers, says Dr. John H. Casada, a specialist in road stress. And Georgia Tech researchers found that every 30 minutes spent driving increases your risk of becoming obese by 3 percent.

The rest of us will get killed by inattentive drivers trying to cram non-driving related activities into their commute.

The result of all these drivers behaving badly: more crashes. A federal study released last week found that 80 percent of crashes are caused by “driver inattention,” up from a previous estimate of 25 percent. The most common distraction is cell phones. But the yearlong Virginia Tech study also warned that reading or applying makeup increases your chances of crashing threefold.

Thank god for the free market, however. Corporations have already solved the most pressing problems associated with monster commutes.

Robert Putnam, author of “Bowling Alone,” found that every 10 minutes added to your commute decreases by 10 percent the time you dedicate to your family and community. And having parents so far from home creates logistical challenges for local officials. “We’re really worried about what happens in an earthquake,” says John Brooks, an economic analyst in Palmdale, Calif., a booming bedroom community 65 miles north of L.A. “All the parents are down below, and we’ve got tens of thousands of their kids up here to take care of.”

No, not that problem. There’s no solution to that problem, but what, really, are the odds of an earthquake in California? Stop worrying. We’re talking about the food ‘n’ potty problem:

But there’s no time for a bathroom break, so Small, 41, won’t allow himself a single sip for nearly an hour. At the halfway mark, he takes his first swig as he hits gridlock on the Eisenhower Expressway.

Don’t worry, if you’ve got the cash (and you do, since you’ve saved tens of thousands of dollars on your house by moving 70 miles from your job) McDonald’s, Sheetz, and the car makers are there for you. Oh, and the government.

Some states already allow lone drivers to pay a fee to travel in the high-occupancy-vehicle lanes, previously reserved for cars carrying three or more. The government calls them HOT lanes (high-occupancy toll). But critics call them “Lexus lanes,” because they say they discriminate against drivers who can’t afford them.
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Fast-food joints are rolling out products that fit in your cup holder, like McDonald’s Fruit ‘n Yogurt Parfait. And convenience stores are cooking up new ways to fill your tummy while you fill your tank. The Sheetz convenience-store chain bolted touch-screen menus onto its gas pumps. The idea is that by the time you’re done filling up, your sandwich is ready at the drive-thru. Says Louie Sheetz, an exec at his family’s chain: “You’re just trying to reduce the amount of time you spend in that pit stop.” Coming next: private potties at the pump.
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Carmakers have the most to gain by capitalizing on commuting. Sure, they’re rolling out more hybrids than ever to help with pain at the pump. But the real action is inside the cockpit. Cup holders, first introduced in 1982, now outnumber seats in many cars. The new Nissan Altima has three cup holders just for the driver: one for bottled water, one for coffee and one for juice. There are even slots for bottle caps. The new Dodge Caliber offers an optional refrigerated glove box, and its front passenger seat transforms into a dining table when you fold it flat.

Mmmm-mmmm, spending scads of money on healthy, delicious fast food, drinking 5 cups of coffee a day, filling up the gas tank every other day, and never seeing the family your doing this all for. Sounds like the American Dream to me.

On the upside, I no longer feel even the slightest bit guilty about my daily 15 minute drive to work, and can guiltlessly abandon my plan to ride my bike down the narrow, two-lane no-shoulder 50mph road with all the semi truck traffic.