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I went back to Men’s News Daily’s blog area to spend some more time with our new friend Elder George, but he’s not too terribly prolific-it’s been like a whole week and he hasn’t written anything new. Disappointed, I wandered over to the “Vox populi” catagory, where I guess everyone who posts over there hangs out.

First, I found Denise Noe, who introduced me to stereotypes that I previously didn’t even know existed.

A sapphire is a beautiful gem. It is also extremely valuable. And it is very strong. That last quality, rather than its’ beauty or worth, is why the word “sapphire” has been used as a nickname for American women of African descent at least since it was the name of an overbearing female character on the old Amos ‘n Andy program.

“Sapphire” used in this way gives offense to many African American females because their history of oppression means that this is a group of women who seek to claim qualities besides strength: their beauty and, to some extent, their frailty, delicacy, dependency, and weakness.

I had never ever ever in my whole life heard this. Also, Amon’n'Andy? Anyway, if any black readers of this blog would care to confirm or deny the current use of “Sapphire” to refer to black women, or the more fun assertion that black women are clamouring to be defined by the qualities normally associated with Victorians or pre-Civil War era Sounthern belles, please feel free to go nuts in the comments section. Let me know if there is a character limit. In fact, if you are knowlegable on this topic, just post to your blog (of course you have one) and then come back here and blogwhore.

It also seems odd to me that modern black women are allegedly more upset about the nickname’s allusions to strength and durablity than they are over its association with an obnoxious-looking character on a show whose syndicated reruns made the civil rights movement’s stuff-to-take-care-of list.

But I’m sure Denise knows more about it than I do, because she goes on to blind us with a sparkling 4-carat princess cut metaphore.

…Although “diamond” is not a nickname for any group of women per se, I believe it is safe to say that the gem is associated in the general imagination with white, especially blonde, women like Marilyn Monroe and Madonna.

There is, as I hope to demonstrate, a valid parallel between the different types of jewels and the two types of women. Both types of jewels are strong and beautiful but we think of strength when we hear sapphire and beauty when we hear diamond. Moreover, while both are highly valued, the diamond is more prized than the sapphire. Why?

The answer is DeBeers. DeBeers DeBeers DeBeers and artificial scarcity. Denise knows this, because a brief history of DeBeers’ initial viral marketing campaign makes up most of the rest of the column.

This advertising campaign was gloriously successful, according to Kanfer, for at the “beginning of the 1950s half of America’s engaged women were presented with a diamond; by the end of the decade, the figure had risen to nearly 80 percent.”

Haha! Suckers! Wait? What has this to do with women and what color they are? Well, because DeBeers pimped the diamond over the sapphire, generations of black women were cursed-tainted, even-by association with a lesser gem. This, you’ll recall from high school civics class, was next on the civil rights movement’s to-do list, but they stopped for lunch after getting Amos’n'Andy cancelled and never really regained their momentum.

Here the true parallel between sapphires and diamonds, black women and white women, should be clear. If Western society as a whole values pale skin above dark, and sees the beauty in the former before that in the latter, that collective ideal is not grounded in intrinsic worth and beauty but reflects only the power of advertising.

Denise timidly skirts around a valid, nearly femininst, point here which is I guess her hallmark. Maybe the confusion and the meandering are just a way for her to get secret feminist viewpoints past the MensNewsDaily radar. Go, Denise!

Of course, for every fair there is a balanced. We turn now to another female-named blogger on MND, Joyanna. Say the name outloud a few times (Joy-anna) and enjoy the wholesome feminine delight of it. Joy-anna. Can’t you just see her in your mind, setting a picnic table in a sunny park, tending a prize-winning garden, playing the piano, or any number of similarly joyful feminine things?

Ok, now derail that train of thought, because Joyanna is here to kick some ass.

Short of a revolution— we should demand at least one thing.

All illegal immigrants, men and woman, under the age of thirty must serve in one of the branches of the American armed forces for at least two years before he is allowed to get on his or her “path to citizenship.” That’s his or her price for becoming an American.

You got to admit, that ever since the draft started up again, she has a good point.

Unfair you say? We are doing this right now to our own. How many times have we seen mothers missing their babies while in Iraq? Why should illegal immigrants get any better treatment than the citizens already here?

It’s true that if we’re going to continue to withold rights from natural-born citizens until they serve in the military, then immigrants (and by immigrants we mean Mexicans, but only the poor ones) should have to as well. After all, I wasn’t allowed to vote until I finished basic and spent two years training German shepherds to sniff out terrorists.

Just kidding, I made all that up! But that’s not the point here. The point is that our current servicepeople are worn out and it turns out that joining the military in a time of seemingly endless war is just another one of those Jobs Americans Won’t Do. So someone’s going to have to go to Iraq for us, right? I mean, what other solution could there possibly be?

Anyway, it’s a win-win situation. We get an endless supply of non-American cannon fodder (no messy drafts means your war stays legitimate-longer!) and they get remedial vocational training and all the wages we can garnish!

In our Armed services they will be forced to learn English. In fact, if they don’t learn English, they will have two choices; go home, or continue to serve until they can speak it. They must learn our history, and pass a test to prove it. If they are illiterate, than they must learn to read and write—in English.

Any back taxes they owe, will be taken out of their paychecks. If they want to fine them $2,000.00 then take it out of their paychecks. They will still get money that they can send home, and three meals a day.

In fact, they will probably get a better education within our military then if “we” the taxpayers have to pay for their public college night courses.

And they will have much more incentive to learn, especially if they are in Iraq.

The military-it’s like night ESL college that you can never transfer out of, plus you might get shot. It also has the benefit of not being taxpayer supported-John and Jane Q. Public save money!

In President Bush’s immigration speech he mentioned an “illegal immigrant” serving in the military, and how proud he was to stand next to him. Today, both Kennedy and McCain had very touching “illegals immigrants serving in the America military” stories in their immigration speeches on the Senate floor.

They are just all so touched by these illegal immigrants “volunteering” to serve America.

Well, if they [the politicians] are so thrilled with it, then give them [the Mexicans] the option to “volunteer” or go home.

(That’s me in the brackets helping you, the reader, out a bit, because I had to read it a few times before I got it)

I understand the use of scare quotes around the second use of the word volunteer, but not quite the first. Also, I’m not sure that “volunteering” to serve someone else’s country is quite as noble and meaningful as volunteering to serve, sans sinister ulterior meaning. But you have to excuse Joyanna, she’s been a little less joyful and a little more tense since “they” told her that another al Queda terrorist attack was inevitable-although it’s unclear if she got this information from politicians, Mexicans, or radio waves that she picks up through her fillings.